Today I'm going to touch on something I deal with EVERYDAY. I have finally found a way to handle this topic with grace and peace.
I am lucky and I am blessed and despite being told this all the stinkin' time by friends and family, I have finally found a way to not feel anger towards it. You are likely asking why would I be angry about being told how lucky I am? Maybe it's because it's repetitive, but really it was deeper than that. When someone tells you that they hope you thank your husband every day for all that he does... I mean it stings a little right?
I will start out by saying, I'd rather talk about things in my life that are great and that maybe makes me come across as fake or entitled? I have a great husband, he is helpful, he is handy, he puts us first and yes, I couldn't imagine doing life without him. And yes, he knows I am thankful and soo very grateful!! We have 2 children- It can be crazy with said children but at the end of the worst days, I couldn't feel more blessed. I will be the first to tell you how crazy my kids are, I don't hide the "bad" if you want to call it that. My life is exactly how it appears on social media and exactly how I portray it in real life. I'm not perfect, I'm not entitled, I'm honest and down to earth and to be pretty honest, I'd rather be positive than negative and that is just how I've decided to live my life.
I'd like to think I've lived my darkest years while dealing with infertility. M and I kept this struggle silent for the duration of our struggle for 4 years. We chose to do this because we didn't want pity parties or people up in our buisness. We didn't know how to handle it ourselves and therefor couldn't explain to people what we were dealing with. We didn't want that negative attention. This doesnt mean that we we didn't tell anyone, our closest friends knew and our immediate family knew.
Those days taught me more about myself and they have shaped and created the person I am today. I can say I'm a better person today than I was then. I am constantly working on myself to be the better mom, the better wife, the better friend, the best me I can be.
I can also honestly say that I believe dreams come true.
Perspective is everything and while we create new dreams every day, we are currently living our dream. Does this mean things always go as planned? Nope. We struggle, things come up, life happens, but we get through it. But we get through it with grace and posititivity. We all have our own roads we have walked. I've been in the trenches begging for answers of why me and now I cringe at these thoughts. I was always asking the wrong question. The why me wasn't going to get me the answers I thought I needed. And when I finally figured that out, I began asking what's next? How do we get through it? Like I said, once you hit the darkest period of your life, you can choose to come out and find the light, or you can get stuck in the hole. We can't predict our futures. I had no idea the cards we were going to be dealt in life or if I was even strong enough to handle it. I grew up believing that God would never give you something you couldn't handle.
Infertility was hard. It was hard on our marriage, it was hard on both of us personally, emotionally, mentally, you name it. It was easier to give up at times or to be negative. It's actually really hard to go back to that place, even just to talk about the struggles we faced. We persevered. It took a lot of work. It took a lot of real and deep moments and conversations and a whole new type of vulnerability that neither one of us were necessarily ready for.
So, yes, I am lucky, I am soo very lucky. The reminders are great, but you know what it didn't come easy. It didn't come without work. When everyone is telling me how lucky I am, it almost belittles all the hard work that has gone into creating this luck in the first place. And that is where the whole worth comes into play. I would hear how lucky I am constantly, but no one is telling my husband how lucky he is? So I began to question my own worth. I began to question him if there was more I should be doing. I was beginning to question my role as his wife, wondering why it felt like everyone was hassling me. It made me want to shut down and close the doors to my life. It made me want to shut down friendships and stay home. I think part of it for me, is that in the trenches I learned to stop comparing my life to others and here it was creeping back in and creating a dark spot.
I have no problem recognizing how "great I have it" - I work hard with my husband to make this happen. Why was I now bringing issue into things that clearly aren't an issue?
I began questioning my own worth. I began to wonder if I was worthy of this life we created, I chose my husband, he was raised right, I don't want to change him, not one thing. I do want to change myself and grow as a person constantly. Is he perfect? No. But why does that matter? I'm not either and the people looking at my life to pass judgement - they aren't either!!
I am worthy. I am enough. I do enough. I could do more, but couldn't we all? Why was I letting this comment rip into me. Is my husband lucky? Does he think he's lucky, because in all honesty- that's the only question that matters. The answer is yes. I didn't need him to stroke my ego and tell me why, he did anyways, but that's just who he is. I made sacrifices too, so while he is at work earning our money, I'm at home raising our children, trying to maintain our household, our family, our dreams. I let my career go because family is what was important to us. We were both brought up with our mothers at home raising us. I quit working so I could get pregnant in the first place. It wasn't an easy decision and it came with a lot of judgement and still does. But that is a whole separate issue on its own.
So while I am lucky, I am also worthy. I chose a great guy to spend my life with and we both work really hard together to make our life work.
So if you are asking yourself the same questions. Stop. Take the "lucky" comment as a compliment and leave it there. Ask the one who matters and leave it at that. Strive to be better. Hold your chin up. Don't make issue where there isn't one and just as I don't compare my life to others, don't you go there either. Your life will not be the same as anyone else's.
Just love the life you do have. Have gratitude, be aware of your own life and don't be afraid to awknowledge all that it took to get there. I am not better than anyone else and neither is my life. My life is what I have worked hard to make it.
If you are in those trenches, follow the light, turn the negatives into positives. Stop asking why and ask the right questions and it will lead you to the answers. Start with small changes and know that it won't happen over night and that it takes time. You need to love yourself before you can accept love.
You are worthy of the life you are in the process of creating, the one you are capable of making. You are likely just as lucky and worthy as I am, so stop letting people make you question that.
