Reflection # 3

I've learned- 

that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

Trust is a necessity in every relationship for me. Without this staple, everything could fall apart in the matter of seconds.

I believe that you can move past a mistrust, but you will always struggle with trust, once it is broken, you can move past this, but not easily, things will never be the same!. You would never be able to express yourself fully because you would questioning that persons integrity.

"Trust is like a vase, once it is broken, the vase is never the same".

I also believe that you need to be able to trust yourself. Without this, you would always be questioning whether or not you are doing the right thing. You need to be able to know yourself and know your limits, just as you would with a relationship.

In my life, I trust myself. I trust my husband, my family and my friends. But have I learned a few lessons in trust when it comes to my friends? Yes. You need to be able to recognize a true friendship when it is there. Know that if someone does not trust you, you cannot trust them. You don't want to have to question every relationship that you have, but if your instinct tells you that something is off, go with your gut, check it out. You know yourself the best and trust your feelings.

You can not trust everyone in your life, if you do, you should expect to be hurt along the way. With my old job, I trusted that my boss had my best interests at hand. Little did I know he had the opposite in mind. Looking back, I now realize and see the signs of mistrust, but I shrugged it off and thought I was overreacting. Come the last 6 months of my job, I realized that my boss no longer trusted me, which meant I could no longer trust him. I actually do not know if he ever trusted me come to think of it, or if this was just his way of trying to "get rid of me" because I would not participate in something I did not believe in. Things began to spiral out of control rather quickly. Throughout the whole experience, I learned to trust myself, trust my gut. I may be to cautious now when it comes to trusting new people, new employers, etc., but overall, I learned a heck of a lot. Trust and mistrust can do that for you. I sometimes beat myself up for falling into a trap or a bad situation and not seeing the flashing lights along the way, but the only positive thing I can say now is that I learned soo much about trust.

What have you learned about trust? 

Tail Wagging and Top 2 Tuesday!

Today's Tail Wagging Topic is favorite toy:

                           

Gracie can never just pick ONE toy... she is a hoarder!! So here she is out cold after gathering her toys!

Head on over to C Mae's blog to link up!!!

I am also playing along with Taylor's Top 2 Tuesday!!

The topic this week is Top 2 Favorite Drinks:

1) Arizona Iced Tea
(aka sweet tea for all you Americans)

Via

2) Canada Dry Ginger ale

But if we are talking alcoholic...

1) White Freezie - which consists of:
- Sprite
- Raspberry Sour Puss
- Banana Liqueur

2) Palm Bay's - the Pineapple one, not the strawberry!
(It is a vodka drink, which is perfect for me because that is my liquor of choice)

Manic Monday

Is it just me or does it seem like the weekends are getting shorter?

My weekend went by super quick!!

Friday we did our groceries and then went to my aunts house with the dogs to pick up veggie trays for the buck and doe. The dogs got to play with Betsy who is another golden retriever. We knew we were not going to be around very much this weekend, so we tried to include the dogs as much as we could.

Saturday we were up early, I had laundry on the go, as the weather was fantastic!! We were off to the hall (which is just around the corner from my house) to set up for the buck and doe. We finished up there around 2:00. We came home for a bit of down time before getting ready for dinner. This is where you tell me I am getting old, because I had to have a nap, in order to stay up past 11:00 PM. I only ended up having a 20 minute nap, before I had to get up to do my hair! Which by the way, I thought it was pretty fantastic, although I have no pictures... but it was super curly and cute!! We had dinner here in the village and then off to the hall we went to finish setting up. Overall the night went great!! The only part that sucked was not getting home until 3 AM, especially when you do not do well after 11 PM, especially 12 AM and past!

I will also point out the following:

You will do anything for your friends when:

• you deal with pickle trays and pickle juice - and you HATE pickles, especially the smell.
• you touch things you would normally not touch without gloves - when you wear gloves for everything like myself...
• you go table to table pouring left over liquids from cups and it STINKS BAD - when your nose is sensitive
•  you wash down tables without gloves and then get prune fingers - when once again, you would normally wear gloves
• you stay up super late to ensure everything gets done and cleaned up.

Overall, it was a great night and I would do it all over again, except I might remember to grab my gloves! Congrats again M and J!! Can't wait until your wedding. Thanks to everyone who came out and helped out where they could.

Sunday, we had a low key day. M got up at 9:30, I went back to bed until 11:00 AM. We took back the extra booze and empties and then popped by M and J's for a quick hello and sorted out some of the left overs and what not. I had another nap in the afternoon and then M and I went for a nice walk with the dogs, who have felt completely neglected this weekend!! Poor ladies!!! But the weather was absolutely amazing... like 22 degrees Celsius. We had a short thunderstorm in the morning and then the sun was out by the afternoon!

That was my weekend in a nutshell!!!

What did you do!? (Link up below)

Blue Tooth Vs. 911... Lesson Learned!!

Yesterday was quite the adventure I tell you!! Not your average Thursday...

My morning and early afternoon was pretty simple, pretty normal! I went shopping with Mike's mom. We had a great afternoon!! I was on my way home and stopped at the post office (around the corner from my house) to grab my mail. I was walking back to my car and a friend of the family's asked me if I could help her out and if I had a cell phone. She told me that a little girl was stuck in the baby swing at the park and that her cell phone was dead. So I went over with D (friend of family). We tried to lift the girl out, who was 9 by the way, in a baby swing... she was really stuck and her legs were starting to swell. So I thought, "hmmm I will call Mike". I suggested calling 911 and it seemed a bit extreme to get the little girl out, but what else were we supposed to to? M did not answer his phone, so I had no other option but to call 911.

Well my friends, this is where the lesson comes in... I had my blue tooth on in my car and as I was dialing any number out, my blue tooth would pick up the call. So after I called M, it picked up his voicemail and would not let me dial out on my phone. This was super frustrating as I had dialed 911 like 3 times, but my blue tooth was picking up my calls, not my phone!! I finally got through on my phone and the fire department was on their  way. Then I started getting OPP phoning my cell, because I had apparently hung up on a 911 call?! I couldn't quite understand this, but then clued in, every time I had dialed 911, my blue tooth had picked up. So they came too. The one lady gave me a lecture on making 911 calls, and did not believe my story when I said a 9 year old was stuck in the swing, she thought it was a prank! I reassured her that I was not pranking, I know how to call 911 and I had a real problem! I told her that I am firefighters wife, then she believed me! She was still pretty snobby when she showed up!

So people, when you need to make an emergency call, or any call at all when you are not in your car... shut off your blue tooth!! Hopefully this lesson will help you out!!

All and all, the little girl was fine, she was cut out of the swing. Another lesson for all you moms out there... don't let your children swing in the baby swings when they are not babies!! Not that her mother was around, the little girl was with babysitter, but it might be worth mentioning the story to your kids to scare them from going in them without you around! I don't think it was something these parents wanted to come home to!! The one comment from the little girl that replays in my mind "I made a stupid mistake I will never forget!"

So that was my eventful Thursday!!!

I also just want to say thank you to all of you who commented on yesterdays post, I am sorry I have not had time to message you back!! I am happy to know that I am not the only one!

This weekend we are helping host a buck and doe (jack and jill.. whatever you wanna call it) for M and J! Mike is in the wedding party, so we will be busy bunnies with getting ready for that!

Have a great weekend!!

But Inside I am Screaming....

I am sure we all have insecure days, but for me, they are usually there non-stop. I am better now than I used to be, but every now and then it sneaks up on when I least expect it. I could simply blame it on the way I was raised. It always mattered what others thought, even if we had a family problem, it was kept quiet. We had to appear to everyone that we were living the "perfect" life.

Everyone struggles in life at one point or another, it is natural and it is normal. I know this, I really do, but I can't help to get on my own case for the things I cannot control. For example, I have battled with eczema for most of my life and I just now have gotten it under control. As a child, I was teased non-stop, jokes were made at my expense by family and "friends". Sure, I would laugh it off, but inside I am screaming... "WHY ME?" "Do you think anyone will notice?". I mean I made up excuses left right and centre. I had it on my legs and would refuse to where shorts and if I was going swimming, I would put a band-aid on it and if anyone asked about it, I would tell them I was clumsy and fell and scraped my leg... whatever would work to keep there suspicions low. What ever worked to make them think I was normal and nothing was wrong! 

The older I get, the more I realize how "normal" it is to struggle. It isn't such a bad thing, in fact it teaches you lessons, but admitting the struggle is the hardest thing.

I am insecure, I will admit it. If my skin breaks out, I am worried about it. If my outfit fits tighter, I get upset. If my hair acts up... I feel like EVERYONE is staring. These are just a few things that bother me.

It is a whole different story with my house. If people just drop by, I freak out afterwards because everything was not in place. I cannot help it. Yes, I could live in the perfect life with everything put away and the floor always vacuumed, furniture dusted, dishes put away, etc., but I don't and I don't actually know anyone who does. But I beat myself and M up over it.

I don't know how to stop myself from thinking this way. Why do I care soo much about what others think? I am human. We are all human. I can only do soo much. I am not a bad person if there is mail on my counter, some cups on the counter or in the sink and the blanket thrown on the couch. I don't judge other peoples houses when I go there, so why do I feel like I am being judged?! Why do I feel like my place is worse?

If someone doesn't like me, or has something bad to say, why can't I just say "So What?". They are obviously not that good of a friend if they are going to bad mouth me or not accept me for who I am. If people knew half the pain of their words or actions... would they still do it? It still hurts and it still makes me wonder, what could I have done differently. Why do I want to be liked so badly? Why do I want to be a good friend to those who will not be a good friend back to me? Why is it easier to say "So What" than to actually feel that way!?

M is good at grounding me when I get all crazy about the things I cannot control. But he also tries to solve the problem and yes there are slip ups, but if we work together we will get through it. I am learning to be open with him about the way I feel. Poor M, little did he know that he would be my therapist, as well as my husband. I wish I could be more like him.

So, now you know what kind of struggle I deal with everyday. Like I said, it is getting better. I don't like screaming inside, I don't want to live in a glass house either, I want my life to be real, I don't want to hide my struggles, I want to embrace them and beat them with my best.

What do you struggle with?