- my house is hit constantly with hurricane Noah. I have been working hard at getting him to pick up his toys before meals, but sometimes a few toys end up staying out all night. You bet it is those few toys that I end up tripping over when I get up to pump during the wee hours in the morning. I do blame the renovation and having more toys on the main floor than usual. I also pick my battles.
- my kitchen... Oh my word. I am grateful for a husband who deals with the kitchen for the most part, because sometimes during my day, getting the dishes off the table from lunch, or cleaning up my mess from preparing just doesn't happen because I don't have enough hands balancing a newborn in one and preventing Noah from diving off his chair with the other.
- dinner. We should just leave it at that. Hardest part of my day - hands down. Heck even when I have it prepared and just have to put it in the oven, I have miserablely failed because I forget to do it on time. Not only is it Noah's hard time, but now it is also Emilya's time to eat.
- getting out of the house with two whether on my own or with M, usually results in someone crying. Emilya hates her car seat and Noah is just plain old slow or distracted. I end up frustrated, usually forget the keys or something else I will end up needing. Sometimes I feel like it's not worth all the hassle and arriving anywhere on time is a joke. Clearly I need to get more practice.
- recovering from a c-section and following the restrictions - another joke. No lifting is the one I fail at most. I could likely get away with following the rule if I didn't have a toddler. But in order to make things happen at a reasonable pace and without exhausting my patience, lifting is required. I will say, it has left me feeling very insecure with leaving the house on my own with two though. I know I don't have the stamina to chase after a toddler in public with a newborn in tow. I know I just need to start doing it and it will come, along with my patience. But we have been practicing with walks and in the backyard and we just aren't there yet. Listening ears are the main issue lately.
- potty training. Noah luckily has not regressed. We have had accidents, but not consistently. He is actually getting better at telling us in time and is even becoming more indenpendant in this department with helping pull down his pants and what not. But I have also started putting a towel down under his potty for the mess. Boys are messy and towels are easy to wash instead of constantly wiping up and disinfecting each time. Doing it once at the end of the day is fine. I'm hoping to get him going on the regular toilet soon, but the stool is an extra climbing hazard in our house... Unless you like seeing your toddler standing on the toilet seat balancing (not with the seat down either).
- bedtime. I feel like we deserve an award when it actually happens on time, especially with M working so late with the spring rush. We work hard on avoiding the over tired melt downs, but they usually come. We are also trying to get Emilya on some sort of schedule and it's working. She's usually asleep by 9 pm, which should give M and I an hour to get stuff done around the house and then an hours time to ourselves if we are lucky, however more often than not, I'm heading to bed by 10 anyways. Even on the days both kids nap at the same time and I am able to nap too, I'm just tired. I often remind myself I am still recovering from my csection and I need to listen to my body over tackling the ever growing to do list, mostly filled with jobs that require lifting or vacuuming.
- renovation. This was just extra added chaos. M and I actually got a chance to talk last night while I snuggled a sleeping newborn before putting her down. We both admit we are struggling to get back on track, because we just have no time to get everything done. There is not enough time in the day. We want to get the basement put back together, but when? M is working his spring rush hours, by now include Saturday's, so that leaves Sunday to get the house cleaned and caught up and to tackle the to-do list all the while trying to fit in some fun activities with Noah and family time. I know it will get done in some sort of time and when it does our life will become a bit easier with just maintaining the house. Maybe that will be the goal this weekend.
You bet I felt like an even bigger hot mess express when I had to take Noah to the hospital on my first week alone with two kids. It was not a boost to my mom confidence one bit. I did manage to keep it together and I know accidents happen, especially with a crazy climbing rough and gruff little boy.
And to think this mama hasn't even had a drink after some of the most stressful days, but in all honesty I'm just to tired! I keep saying it will get better when we get the house put back together post reno, but finding the time to even make that happen proves to be a challenge with M's crazy spring work schedule.
So yes, it appears that I do not have my shit together. In order to shower, I am showering with my toddler before his bedtime to ensure I get one.
But at the end of the day, I have two beautiful children and I couldn't be happier. I remember the days I used to pray for these "problems" - okay not the renovation part, but the parenting parts. I know this time with them is soo precious. This post is not to complain about all the above, but it is to remember this struggle and share with other new moms that not everyone has their shit together. We will all have good days and bad, easy or hard.
Being a mom is one of my very best accomplishments I will ever do and I honestly couldn't be prouder. Our life in my eyes is perfect, even when it isn't. Even after the hardest days. It's beautiful chaos in all reality and the best kind to have. I am blessed beyond words and I couldn't be happier.