Our Journey to Baby V - Part 3

We had to wait 3 months for the coil to set in my tube to close it. We decided that we would try conceiving semi-naturally with aid of Femara. I do ovulate on my own, however, being down one tube, I could use the extra help to encourage ovulation on my left side or both sides. We tried with no luck for 3 months starting July 2012.

Come September 2012 we were back at the doctors office discussing yet another round of IVF. Like I mentioned previously I am considered a poor responder so they tested my AMH level and sure enough it was beginning to drop. AMH gives a rough idea on the amount of eggs a woman has left in her body based on the hormone level that comes back. My number had a significant drop since my last IVF. This only made me feel like I was running out of time. My eggs were literally expiring. 

October 11th, 2012 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. My number was literally a decimal point over. I started meds right away and luckily they start working right away because I started my IVF cycle on October 30th, 2012 with the Lupron long protocol again starting up with 2 injections of Lupron a day. On Novemeber 3rd I started stim injections of Bravelle and Menopur. Everything was going smoothly, lots of action going on in my ovaries, more so that before. 

On November 16, 2012 we had our egg retrieval and we got 10 amazing eggs!! A number I was soo very proud of!! My ovaries had got a lot bigger this time and my Estrogen level was indicating that I was at a higher risk for hyper-stimulation of my ovaries, which luckily I did not get! But recovery was super slow and painful to say the least. 5 of my eggs were fertilized, the other 5 just didn't take and 3 of those 5 were ready for transfer. On November 19 we had 2 sweet grade A embryos transferred. I was carrying twins!! A whole new cloud nine ready for an instant family! On November 29th I started to spot and sure enough the cycle had failed yet again. 

Now we were mourning the loss of what could have been yet again, and mentally I was over seeking further treatment. How much more can we possibly take? Our hearts shattered once again, and this time it took a lot longer to put away the pieces. We went back to our RE for follow up post ivf and he just couldn't figure out why it wasn't working, recommended genetic testing - which we were opposed to. So finally I ended the appointment with asked for a script for clomid. He luckily agreed, but really didn't see it working. February 2013 we decided to take a more natural path, which was highly recommended by others, so we booked an appointment with a naturopath. I had never believed in naturopaths and no offence to others but I had kind of assumed it to be hocus locus medicine. We took a vacation to Jamaica to get away from everything for a bit, although I guess you can't really get away from your own body! 

February 25, we drove just over an hour to this naturopath, had my blood tested and he wasn't surprised that we couldn't get pregnant. My B12 and Folate wasn't being absorbed into my blood cells. My blood cells trough the microscope were all blown apart. He also found some yeast which prompted the yeast cleanse for 30 days. I started B12 and folate supplements, along with supplements for the yeast cleanse. You all know how I felt with the yeast cleanse, if not you can check back on it. March 25, we went back had my blood retested and my blood cells were perfect aside from some malnutrition, but what can you eat on a yeast cleanse? He recommended staying yeast free until we became pregnant but, we knew that wasn't going to happen. However I was 15 pounds down and watched what and how I ate. 

I managed to drop a total of 36 pounds, had a script for Clomid that we tried May 2013 and sure enough on June 1st I had a positive home pregnancy test! M and I were on cloud 9! I retested again on the 2nd and it was negative? Straight to my RE's we went and found it to be true, we were no longer pregnant. Our doctor doesn't believe in false positives, and figured something was working! He doubled my clomid dosage and had me start it that day instead of waiting for my period. He called it a  random start cycle. My doctor hates clomid and for him to do this, meant he noticed a change with my cycle, he had a sudden hope we hadn't seen. We monitored this cycle to see how I was responding and we had 2 amazing eggs developing nicely. On June 16 my blood work indicated ovulation. I received a call from my RE's office and it turns out my AMH was plummeting and I needed to come in and discuss my options. I was in no rush to have this conversation with my doctor or to hear any more bad news, so I put it off. On June 28 I took a pregnancy test in the middle of the day with just a cheap test and it was positive. Of course because of last month I didn't believe it! 

I will wrap up our journey to Baby V here and the rest of our journey will develop in the first trimester recap, and then weekly bump dates. 

Thank you all for your support it means soo much!! If my story can help anyone in any way, even if its just encouragement to never give up on a dream you have worked soo hard at, that you want soo bad!! 

A Reflection on 28

Today I turn 29!

Isn't this the year I need to make the most of because I'm going to be 29 forever from now on? 

And in all honesty, although I cannot predict the rest of 29, but so far it is shaping up to be one of the best of my years. The year I hope to see many of my past birthday wishes all come true!! I'm due to have my first baby while I'm 29 and this alone means the world to me, as you all know! That was no easy task. I will spend most of my 29th year pregnant! Something I have always wanted. I will celebrate 7 years with M. I will see the man I married and love turn into a father. Our family will grow, our hearts will grow, along with our love for one another and a sweet blessing we created together! (I am more than aware that things can change but I'm thinking positively)

As much as I dread getting another year older, this year it's different! I have soo much to look forward to! I am truly blessed. 

Although I found myself somewhat emotional last night - could be my pregnancy hormones, but finishing my 28th year brings tears to me eyes. Putting this year behind me is harder than I thought! Suddenly this all feels real to me. I'm closing on a huge chapter of my life, one that was dragging on and on without sight of the end. 

28, as much as it was off to a rough start, it made up for it in the end and I will also never forget 28. It will keep me honest in knowing what a struggle is, learning more and more about my own strength, feelings, body and how my past has changed me. My eyes are open now to soo many things I had never focused on. 

It was the year I found myself pregnant! The year that put a stop to years of suffering with infertility. 

As hard as 26, 27 and 28 were they have helped create a new meaning to my life. They have made me stronger, taught me many life lessons I could never have imagined learning. I don't regret these years at all, despite the hardships, but I look at coming out of it all, finding the light at the end of the tunnel. Conquering the odds and never giving up. 

Goodbye 28. Your chapter has ended in the best possible way. 

I won't be sipping champagne this year, but I hope you all do for me!! 

Here is to 29! 

Our Journey to Baby V - Part 2

We started our second cycle on November 27, 2011. This protocol was a lot more difficult and involved 2 shots of Lupron per day - which suppresses everything since I had the allergic reaction to the other cycle. I started with just this for 5 days before adding in the stimulant shots which were Menopur (burns like hell) and Gonal F. That meant 4 needles/day. Somehow I managed to get it done.

That is one things I can say that when you want something soo badly it is amazing what you will do to accomplish that. But the sad part is that you eventually get to a desperate breaking point where you jump if they said jump. 

There were numerous occasions where I would be driving to London (an hour away) at 6 AM for monitoring with M in the passenger seat prepping my needle and giving it to me while I drive because everything is on a time line! 

I stimmed for 9 days and went in for my first egg retrieval on December 11, 2011. We only ended up getting 4 eggs, where as most people would get a lot more eggs per retrieval. The procedure was uncomfortable as my right ovary sits high so in order to access it with the needle through my cervix (sorry for the TMI) was for the lady to push like hell on my right ovary to access it. It was horrible!!

We found out only 1 embryo survived. Luckily of great quality! Implantation was on Dec 12, 2011. Felt great to be pregnant until proven otherwise! Recovery from the procedures took a while as it takes a while for the ovaries to shrink back down to size from the size of grapefruits. 

On Christmas Eve I started spotting. Which was 10 days post transfer day. Confirmed BFN (big fat negative) on January 3, 2012. The year was off to a rough start. We were once again devastated, but luckily had each other to turn to, along with some friends and family. 

In March 2012 we went back to the RE to discuss our options. I wanted to deal with my hydro which overall meant losing the tube. We scheduled surgery for April 19, 2012 for having an Essure coil inserted to close off my right tube. This was not an easy decision, yet a very permanent one. They say that the hydrosalpinx can drain fluid into the uterus which can be toxic to an embryo. There is no proof, but yet a possibility. Before going into another cycle we decided we better give ourselves the best chance. Once the coil is in, it is not reversible.

I had the surgery along with a hysteroscopy just to look around my uterus for any other issues. Luckily this test was fine and the surgery was a success. Recovery was really slow after that one. It takes 3 months for the coil to completely close. 

Part 3 to be continued. 

Our Journey to Baby V - Part 1

Our journey to Baby V was far from simple, but I am beginning to believe that it has happened just the way it was supposed to. I can honesty say I never imagined going through what I have, but now I find it hard to see it any other way.

By sharing our story I am not doing this for pity, I'm doing this to put awareness out. This is just a glimpse of how an infertile feels. How infertility is a devastating fact of life for some. I could have been sharing this along the way I realize, but I just wasn't ready to. It's not an easy topic. It's not attention I wanted drawn to myself. By having this blog as it was, it made me focus on the good going on my life, not the bad.

This is our story. It has made us stronger and it has taught us many life lessons some couples may never understand. It has given us an understanding of one another, what love is, what hope is and what doubt isn't. 

April 14, 2011, I was diagnosed with a hydrosalpinx on my right tube. I went to my doctor for results of my sonohystogram, sure that everything was fine and I was shocked to learn just the opposite. That day was probably one of my hardest. Knowing that this could ruin our future plans, better yet I need to tell my husband that I am the reason our baby dreams may not come true. I was devastated. For someone who hates medical procedures, hospitals and doctors I have had my fill. We were referred onto a reproductive endocrinologist, as at that point we knew getting pregnant wasn't going to be easy after we had already been trying for a year. Our RE recommended trying IVF. On July 21, 2011 - our 4th wedding anniversary we found ourselves sitting in a doctors office listening to our options. It was at this point it all became real. All of these feelings of letting down my husband and our dreams dawned on me. There was no way out! But somehow we left that appointment that took all day feeling encouraged. 

I will say that M has been my rock through this all. He took the news better than I expected. He has supported me and despite my lack of being able to have an easy conception. He has encouraged me, despite my hard feelings on myself. He has always been positive about achieving our dreams, it just might take us longer, it's not going to be easy, but we have got this. 

On September 27th, 2011 we started our first round of IVF. The needles were daunting and I won't lie, I'm a needle-a-phob and they just down right sucked! Most of them burned, and more often than I care to admit I would end up in tears by the end of it. Thank God M is soo supportive and knows just the right things to say to get me through this. 

By the October 4, 2011, I was devastated with the news that my cycle was cancelled. My follicles had stopped growing - the simple protocol turned out to cause an allergic reaction and we were out. The encouragement that I once had was gone - I imagined we would only have to endure this once. Boy was I wrong! 

I won't lie when I say that infertility has its highs and lows. The lows are low, lower than I care to admit. My body was failing me time and time over again. This is the one thing that I was supposed to be able to do and for some reason I was unable. It wears you down. It makes it hard to get up out of bed in the morning because by the end of the day you are exhausted from pretending to be happy. Pretending to be happy is what pulled me through this, along with the support of our family and few friends who we told. 

It took quite some time to pick up the pieces. You go into these cycles believing that this is going to work - when things backfire you scramble to pick yourself up.

Part 2 - to be cont'd