NINE

Wow, soo crazy to think it has been 9 years today that M and I said "I Do".

Nine whole years. It seems like it was just a few years ago that we were landscaping the farm for our outdoor wedding and picking colors, our wedding party, etc. And heck we were engaged for 2 years before we got married! 

What I will say is that in these last 9 years, we have had some of the best days of our lives and some of the worst. But together, hand in hand we have accomplished soo much and we couldn't be at a happier state in our lives. Life these days literally feels like our dreams coming true. Having not just one
child now, but two is such a blessing. I know, I say it a lot, but sometimes I wonder when I will wake up from this dream, especially having gone through soo much to get to this point in our lives.

I couldn't be a prouder wife than I am these days. To have such a supportive and helpful husband seems to be a rare thing these days. Mike puts in 150% into our family and it shows. I secretly love watching him with the kids and seeing them enjoy him just as much as I do!

In 9 years, I have watched my husband become such a amazing and stronger man and maybe I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate all that he does for us. Life is beautifully chaotic around these parts these days and in a blink of an eye the day is done and I find myself wondering "did I tell him I love him", "did I hug him today", "does he know how much I love and respect him" or "how lucky I feel to have him as my husband"?

I think that is one of the keys to our successful marriage is respecting each other, knowing each other's limits and stepping up when each other needs that break. We work well as a team and have the same goals. I'm not saying he doesn't drive me crazy some days, because we of course drive each other crazy, but at the end of the day it is a good kind of crazy.

It's crazy to look back and see how far we have come. To see how we have faced our hardships and came out on top. 

These are the best days of our lives and they just keep on getting better! 

Happy Anniversary to my love, my partner in crime, my best friend. I know that I will never be able to put into words just how my heart feels, because everyday it is growing fonder and deeper. I am so lucky to have you, our children - yes, OUR children are lucky to have you and I just hope you know how loved and appreciated you really are to me and I am going to work harder at making sure you know that. Here is to several more years together!! 

I love you like crazy - promise promise.

Ashley

Low Key Weekend

Our weekend was rather low key, which ended up being just what the doctor ordered for M!

Friday M hurt his back.... Long story short he admitted it was stupid and that he was impatient... He kept saying to me in sickness and in health when he needed my help and I was sure to let him know (as I helped him) that our vows didn't have a stupidity clause. 

Friday night I went into town by myself, checked out Winner's and bought NOTHING! The perk to my night was getting $13 back on clothes I had already bought Noah that were on sale and treating myself to a hot chocolate on the way home! 

Saturday morning I was bound and bent I was going to sleep in... But nope I was awake at 7! I laid in bed for an hour trying to sleep but no bueno. 

When I did get up M told me he thought he should go to Emerg and get his back looked at, which means he was really hurting because he never offers to goto the hospital, so who was I to argue? But I will tell you what we did argue about... Putting on his socks! I HAD to help him and this job made me cringe because I HATE feet, especially men's feet! So I sucked it up and helped him being the good wife I am... For him to tell me I needed to pull them up higher... My response... They are ankle socks!!! 

Noah was not impressed Daddy was leaving during their time together and he sure had a good pout going on all morning! 

So we watched cartoons on the couch and had a snack after breakfast! Then he treated me to a 2 hour nap!! I did get laundry done during that time, but most of the projects I need to work on aside from editing photos is upstairs in the spare room! 

M got home around noon and found out it was luckily just a sprain. Once M had relaxed for a bit after lunch we made squash, and sweet potatoe for Noah. It was a low key afternoon, Noah was grumpy because Daddy wasn't playing with him, because he doesn't understand Daddy is hurting but didn't want to play with me! Weekends are usually Noah and Daddy time and I am chopped liver, which I am fine with to let them have their bonding time together! I get him all to myself 5 days a week! Insert grumpy face: 

We had chicken alfredo for dinner, which was a first for Noah and he was undetermined as to whether or not he liked it! He kept trying it, so he didn't hate it, but he wouldn't have much rather had the fresh squash he started out with!

After Noah went to bed M and I watched the movie Delivery Man and then went to bed ourselves! 

Sunday M was feeling a bit better and went outside to do a little yard work, which he said raking felt good on his back, not that he did much of it, but every little bit counts! I played with Noah and got some more laundry going! During nap time I updated Noah's One Line A Day book and then worked on editing some photos from last weeks new born shoot! 

We went and looked at some pallets for an upcoming Spring project!!! I am really looking forward to it!! If you have me on Pinterest, you probably have an idea on what we are up to, but for those who don't - think furniture! 

Sunday night we got more snow... Luckily it didn't stick around! I was also happy that M volunteered to walk the dogs because I definitely didn't want to walk in the blizzard! 

Today we are off to London where we will pick up Noah's Easter gift and have lunch with my mom!

Babymoon Weekend Rewind

Our babymoon was excellent, although it was off to a bumpy start after Thursday's trip to triage. I called my OB's office to report my high blood pressure readings and because my OB was on holidays, the doctor on call wanted me to come in and get triaged just to be safe. So I headed in, was there for 4 hours, hooked up to monitors to check on the baby, my urine sample came back with a trace of protein in it, so they ended up taking blood work too. The nurse was warning me that bedrest was headed my way, and that chances of me going away this weekend was slim! Then the resident doctor came in, told me baby was doing well, they found some contractions on my non-stress-test, but nothing major and are assuming they were just Braxton and hicks, since I didn't feel pain with them. But due to my unstable blood pressure which was high when I went in, it was medically advised to not travel out of the country this weekend. They didn't increase my meds, but just told me to take it easy.

I came home, not feeling overly reassured with what my current medical state was, was upset with the current news about my blood pressure and now protein in my urine. M and I had to decide what we were going to do, and decided to go away anyways, with the intentions of relaxing more than shopping. We figured if I stayed home, I would have sat around and worried/waited for something to happen. So I decided to call ahead to the few baby stores we intended in going to and had them put my items on hold, so we could just go in and buy them, with little walking/shopping needed and that worked out well. The stores were very accomodating. 

Friday we got up, got ready, dropped the dogs off at the farm and headed to Buffalo, New York, which is about an hour and a half away. We had no wait at the border. Stopped at a few stores, grabbing the stuff I had on hold, had lunch at Applebee's, finished up at 2 more stores, shopping minimally, knowing I shouldn't be walking around too much and then we went and checked into the hotel. 

Our room was awesome!! 

It had everything we needed!! We ordered in take out to our room from a pizza place and relaxed the night away with a swim in the pool, which was a little cool, and followed it up with a soak in the jacuzzi tub! 

Friday nights sleep was not overly great, as I only brought one pillow and my maternity wedge, figuring there would be more than enough pillows, which I'm sure would have been enough if I didn't need a wall of pillows on each side of me! 

Saturday we went down and had breakfast and then hit up Destination Maternity looking for a formal dress for this weeks conference. Um dress shopping was miserating!! I felt like I would be better off in a garbage bag than in some of the dresses I tried on!! I had an idea in my head and didn't find it, but I did luck out with 2 dresses for the price being cheaper than one. I was beat after that excursion, luckily they have juice and protein bars, as well as a little lounge, where M and I relaxed for a bit before headed out to do one more store. We headed to Victorias Secret, with hopes of finding some button down pjs for nursing. We didn't find that exactly, but a few night shirts/sleep dresses that would work and of course were on sale! On our way out, we grabbed a piece of chocolate cake to go from The Cheesecake Factory!

After that we headed back to the hotel for lunch, relaxed the afternoon away, followed by a nap! This tub was seriously my favorite thing this whole weekend!!

Getting in and out of it was a trick with my belly in the way, but nothing relaxed me more and my blood pressure came right down after each soak! 

After my nap, we got ready for dinner, and knew we had 3 quick stops to make because I forgot a few things and we couldn't find coffee for Mikes Dad at the Walmart we went to on Friday. But we were able to quickly find those things and then had a nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, TGI Fridays! We both had a nice steak dinner! 

Back to the hotel we went where we watched The Blind Side, shared some chocolate cake and headed to bed. M had got me more pillows from housekeeping and I slept soo much better, but I did miss our bed!! 

Sunday morning, we packed up, repacked the car because it was FULL, had breakfast and headed home! Once again we lucked out with no wait at the border and no crazy traffic on the way home! It was smooth sailing and prefect timing because the roads around home were getting bad and the snow was coming down!  

Everything has now been purchased for the baby, now we just have to get it all ready, washed and organized, which will probably start next weekend, as we are not around much this week. The nursery is a big mess right now, waiting for me to go up and start sorting through it all, finding homes for everything and getting everything ready to be washed! 

Mike did build the stroller yesterday, while I put together the bouncer. M was worried when he saw the size of the box, which was small, knowing the stroller is not small, but he had it built in 20 minutes! It was super easy! 

Overall we had a fantastic weekend, just us, before the baby comes, which of course we look forward to. I'm glad we went, despite the doctors recommendation, nothing horrible happened, I was truly able to relax this weekend and I know I wouldn't have been able to if I was at home this weekend! I of course took extra measure calling ahead to the 2 baby stores where most of our shopping was done. I also knew we were just 10 minutes over the border, should I need to get to a hospital in Canada. 

I am soo very lucky to have such a supportive and encouraging husband, who did everything he could to help me relax this weekend, knowing my health, as well as the baby were constantly on my mind! We are both really looking forward to tomorrow's appointment with our OB, as well as seeing Baby V. Hopefully some of the worry will be put aside. 

Check back tomorrow to see all our purchases!!

And don't forget to enter the custom onsie give away found HERE.

30 weeks

How Far Along:

30 weeks - December 29, 2013 - January 4, 2014 

 

Size Of Baby?

or a large cabbage since I find it hard to believe there is a 3.8 pound cucumber growing inside of me.

Baby's skin is now getting smoother. Baby is now capable of grasping a finger. 

10 more weeks to go, last week with a double digit on the count down!! 

Maternity Clothes?
Yes, and M's t-shirts for bed, although even these are getting smaller. He doesn't even put up a fight for giving me them to sleep in anymore, I think he feels bad for me - he's even giving up the soft ones! 

Crazy to look back and see how different this maternity shirt fits now:

I can't believe I was ever that small! What a difference time makes!! 

Stretch Marks?

Still just a small one, but nothing really noticeable.

 

Gender?

Team Green!

What the Doctor Had To Say:

My family doctor called with the results of my x-ray. I still have a tip fracture, but she gave me the okay to take off the aircast! I need take things slow and be very careful, but I am able to walk without the cast on and yes, it is a bit tender, but feels great to be able to walk on my own again without it! I just have to watch for swelling.
  

Sleep?
  My ankle has been waking me up without the cast, just an adjustment to being cast-free. It has been super cold here this week too, which has only made the house dryer!! But my bladder hasn't been waking me regularly!

Baby Purchases This Week:

 Some wall shelves.

Some supplies for a few DIY projects we have on the go!

Made this Week:
Crocheted away

Cravings/Aversions?

Well since I couldn't celebrate New Years with champagne! I had the next best thing, raspberry gingerale and it matched the pink champagne everyone else had!  

Chocolate pudding is still good, but not the best thing anymore! 

   

Movement?
  Baby seems to flip sides back and forth, but the kicks aren't low, so I'm guessing s/he isn't breech anymore. 

Baby enjoys kicking M's ear when he puts his head on my belly. 

Baby seems to be getting the hiccups more often!! 

Feeling?

  Not sure if I am coming down with a cold or not? My voice seems to come and go, but my throat doesn't hurt and I have no cough. Nose is still runny. Could maybe just be the dryness - started after the hospital made me wear a mask because I didn't get a flu shot at my last doctors appointment. 

I have found myself more on edge this week, easily annoyed, which is not a great feeling and very hard to snap out of it. 

Other than that I feel great! I am loving being pregnant! I have napped a few times this week.
 

Highlights:
Being cast-free! Gaining my independence back and being able to leave the house on my own again!!
 

 Getting the house organized. A lot of big changes coming to our household! Furniture is moving around, including our bedroom is switched back, I know the layout we had was more convienent for bathroom breaks in the middle of the night, but I hated it, so we are moved it back with a new plan for where the bassinet will go - which is now in our room!! Our entertainment unit has left the great room! It was just too big and with baby stuff coming in, we need the extra room and what a difference it has made! Soo much more room and soo much brighter! Great choice!! Our fridge and stove will be replaced next week, so the old fridge moved downstairs. 

M has given me the go ahead for nesting haha. 

So with that being said, we hit up the spare bedroom and now have floor space to move around on! Most of the baby stuff is now out of that room, aside from some baby toys on the bed and the boy bin and girl bin which will stay in there until the baby is here. But I might tackle making the bed in there at least. 

 

Belly Button?

In, but it is getting flatter and flatter. 

 

Wedding Rings?
On

Best Moment of the Week?

   Bringing in the new year!! Welcoming the year we meet our miracle in just a few short months!  

Crazy Pregnancy Moment:

This week has been pretty good, with very little craziness going on. I think the biggest thing I'm going crazy about is remembering to take it easy and slow down with my ankle. Now that the cast is off, I just want to be able to walk like normal and that is not the case! It is getting stronger and stronger each day, but I don't want to rush the recovery and set myself back. January is soo very busy.

  

Bump Pic:

 

 

And a quick look back:

 

 20 weeks

 

10 weeks: 

Can I get my tan back please?

Looking Forward To:

    My baby shower next weekend that my sister and mom are throwing for me!! 

Christmas Baking 2013

This past weekend M and I picked out a few recipes we wanted to make for Christmas this year. We usually do some type of baking, whether it be pies, tarts, cookies, gingerbread houses, etc.

Last year we made sugar cookies and in all honesty they were my least favorite to make! So this year we decided to make at least one classic cookie - which of course was my Grandma's Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies. It will be the one recipe you won't find me sharing. We made 3 dozen with more dough to spare in the freezer, because we weren't sure the cookies would make it to Christmas!  But we decided we would try 2 new recipes:

Christmas Bark Cookie Crunch:

Ingredients:
1 lb. white chocolate (I use Ghirardelli white chocolate chips)
14 Oreos, broken into pieces (I use the plain)
1 and 1/2 cups pretzels, broken- I used the thin straight ones
1 cup peanut butter chips
1/2 cup peanuts
1/2 cup miniature Reese’s cups
1/2 cup Peanut M&Ms (Christmas Colors)
Christmas sprinkles

Directions:
Cover a cookie sheet with waxed paper or foil. Spread the broken pretzels, broken cookies & peanuts on the prepared cookie sheet. Melt the white chocolate in microwave until smooth (1 minute to 1 ½ minutes, make sure to add a little canola oil).
Drizzle the melted white chocolate over the pretzel mixture, spreading with a spatula if needed. Before it sets, sprinkle on M&Ms, Miniature Reese’s, Peanut Butter Chips and sprinkles. Place the tray into the refrigerator until set. Break into pieces and enjoy! This is a hit at my parties!!!

I found the recipe HERE.

Now we have decided to modify this recipe a little bit. We used Hershey's White Chocolate Chips, we didn't use the peanut butter chips or the reese's cups, as I am just not all that in to peanut butter right now. We also used Christmas Smarties (because M says he couldn't find M&M's - which really means he prefers smarties over M&M's. He also spent $15 on a bulk bag of them) and we put peanuts on half of it for M and Skor bits on my half!

If I am being entirely honest (with my sister as my witness via the phone) this recipe was a disaster! We didn't have oil, so M improvised with Pam.... And when that didn't smooth out the chocolate he tried butter. It was still rather clumpy after heating, reheating, stirring, adding more butter, etc. He was soo frustrated and that  was an understatement. It wouldn't spread, so he decided to add regular chocolate chips to fix it using the stove instead of the microwave and well it turned out the same. He was frustrated, poured it all on the wax paper, smooshed it all in the middle, mixing our ends up and then used his his hands to smooth it out (insert cursing as the chocolate was hot - a lot of cursing and reminders that he is not a baker). My sister and I were laughing. I was laughing soo hard I was crying. 

He ended up pouring the remainder of the $15 bag of smarties left over from the other recipe (below) over the top of it. Z

M showed me the tray when he was done.... It doesn't look soo appetizing:

Maybe it will look like the first picture when we break it up? But I don't have high hopes. I am sure it will taste alright... But I'm calling this one a fail!! 

The second recipe we tried is this one:

The Perfect M&M Cookies:

 

 

I found this recipe HERE.

 

 

Ingredients

• 1 stick/1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1-1/2 cups all purpose Gold Medal Flour
• 3 tablespoons Instant vanilla pudding mix
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 3/4 cup mini chocolate chips
• 1 or 1-1/2 cups Mini M and M’s

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. and line a large baking sheet with a silpat liner or parchment paper.
2. In a large mixing bowl cream your butter and sugars until well combined. Add your egg and vanilla mixing to combine. Add your flour, pudding mix, baking soda and salt, stirring to combine. Add chips and m and m’s stirring to combine.
3. With a medium cookie scoop, place dough 1 inch apart from each other. Bake for 10-12 minutes until cooked through. Let cool on cookie sheet for 10 minutes before transferring to cooling rack. Enjoy!

Makes 2 dozen cookies

We doubled the recipe.
We modified this with Smarties instead of M&M's because of the same reason mention above. I would prefer the M&M's. We also used red and green ones! M was in charge of making these ones. M also broke the rules and smashed the cookies down on the cookie sheet. They still turned out!

Today I will be making the nuts and bolts. Hopefully without issues.

Then we just have tarts for Christmas dinners with our families that we will make on Saturday. We will make raspberry tarts and lemon meringue, M and I's favorites. We celebrate with my family on Sunday.

A Year Ago This Past Weekend

A year ago this past weekend, was a weekend I will never forget for many reasons, and most of them being so very unpleasant.

We found out our IVF cycle failed. It was horrible. One of those moments in life where it makes you wonder WHY? Why is it always no's instead of yes's. When will things begin to look up? And better yet, where do we go from here? It was the bottom of rock bottom. I was done. Done with treatments, done with medications, daily appointments and monitoring, done with needles, done with pretending to be happy, done with pretending this wasn't our story, and done with the constant negativity surrounding our fertility story. Just plain and simple done. 

Both of our IVF cycles failed around Christmas, this one before and the one previous we found out New Years Eve. Why the hell was I cycling around the happiest time of the year? And to add to the misery, our first IVF cycle that was cancelled half way was at thanksgiving. For anyone out there cycling around these times of the year, proceed with caution, because in the worst case scenario the downfall is even harder because the last thing you want is to be happy around family and friends celebrating.

I promised myself I would not do that to myself and M again. But also in my mind I couldn't bear the thought of even trying again, maybe we were meant to be childless, maybe this is where our struggle ends, where we move on with our lives as just Mike and Ashley, the crazy couple with all the pets and too much love for other peoples children. Maybe we should adopt, or foster? 

M was ready to go and find out the next step, and I was reluctant to have any part of it, but went along to the appointment, where we were told that our options were dwindling, this cycle should have worked, maybe we need to do further testing on the quality of our eggs/sperm, but one thing that wasn't offered was a cycle right away, it was let me talk to my colleagues about your AMH, let's retest it. In my head it wasn't a positive outlook ahead. It was our RE exhausting his knowledge and it was money in our bank accounts that were beginning to dwindle. I promised myself I wasn't going to cry during this appointment, I was going to be as cold as this infertility has made me. My hope was shattered, my eyes were dry from being cried out too much, it was all I could do to get out of bed and fake a smile on my face. The only think I managed to mumble out was maybe we could just try a script for clomid when we are ready. My RE said it wasn't a fan of clomid and told us it wouldn't solve our problems, but wrote the script for just one month, I think just so that I could say I had tried it. 

Back to the weekend from hell, we had received the bad news, we had a Christmas Party to attend. I couldn't bear the thought of drinking away my problems and went sans alcohol, just as I would have had I received the positive outcome. But M, he ended up feeling absolutely no pain. I drove everyone home, and crawled into bed where I was finally able to let free on my tears, all the while my husband was puking all over my dining room. The smell was horrid and to make matters worse, I went to let the dogs inside and ended up stepping in it. And that my friends was the end of the end. I yelled and screamed and cried and all of my anger overcame me at that instant. I said horrible things I didn't mean and beat myself up for my failing body. I was the most angry I had ever been and not over the puke, not even at my husband, but at my failing body. It was horrible. 

But this year, this year is soo entirely different. Maybe I needed to experience the above to bring me to today. To make myself know just how lucky and blessed I am. They say once you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. I think that was my rock bottom. My marriage became stronger after I was finally able to get out what I needed to. I had bottled up every comment made to me about when we will have kids, every failed treatment, every fake smile, every baby shower, every holiday - faking it until I made it. 

This year having Baby V in my tummy snuggling and growing away, will not only be something I have dreamt of, but it will be a time I can just be me. Happy, go lucky, ME! I don't have to fake smiles, or drinking, or anything. This pregnancy has allowed me to be me for the first time in 4 long excruciating hard years! I've changed, my eyes are open wider now to a whole new world that many people don't even know. I see things differently and have a whole new perspective on life, our child's life, my marriage, just generally everything.

Everyone has a story and there are often unfortunate parts that take place and as shitty as I can say infertility is, I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it has broke me down in ways I can never forget, but because of it all, I am soo much stronger, my marriage is stronger. It is a part of our story and I will choose to embrace it now.

Not that our plans happened the way we expected them too, but we managed to pop by the end of the party for a drink and then headed home. But I suppose it wasn't the party that I needed to attend, just the weekend over all. And despite fracturing my ankle, I was still in a way better place than previous years, pain and all. Seeing sweet baby V was an added bonus to it all. Yet another small bump in the road, but a road I am well on my way into achieving.

So What Wednesday

Due to the events that have transpired since last Wednesday we have yet again enough "so what's" to provide another post.

So here we go again:

- so what if today is the first day since I fractured my ankle that I actually feel somewhat human? Amazing what putting on a pair of jeans can do for a girl.
 

- so what if my in-laws found an old walker for me to use around the house... Better than a rolling office chair. 

- so what if because of said walker I feel like an old lady instead of a new mom-to-be. But in all honesty it helps. 

- so what if the best part of my day is taking off the air cast to ice my ankle. I will spare you the images. (Sorry Instagram friends, although those are nothing)

- so what if I can't even recognize my ankle, between the colors coming out on it and the swelling, it's horrible looking and guess what she ain't getting any prettier.

- so what if my husband has now seen me getting off a toilet, no shame no game? It was bound to happen anyways at some point. 

- so what if while on the subject of toilets, when they told me to stay off of my ankle, with the exception of bathroom breaks - they must have forgotten (yet again) that I am pregnant and pregnancy bladders still call whether your ankle is fractured or not! So it turns out I should just hang out in the bathroom for the amount of times my bladder calls to benefit from staying off my ankle. 

- so what if I am considering getting one of those shower stools, right now I am using a foot stool and guess what, a pregnant belly, boobs and knees don't have a lot of room to move all compacted together.

- so what if despite the above issues with the stool, I can't wait to have a shower again tonight.

- so what if my poor husband hasn't been busy enough, and now he has me to deal with, on top of getting everything else done. I feel soo bad, but he reminds me of when he's needed it all from me, although it doesn't quite compare, but he at least tries to make me feel better. 

- so what if this new cell phone cover excited me. Aside from sweet baby kicks, that's all I got! 

 

- so what if the poor dogs keep staring me down like I cancelled Christmas because I won't take them walking in the nice weather. 

- so what if said dogs decided to empty my garbage can when I sprung house arrest  last night and scattered it all around the living room. Worst part was I couldn't just blame one, they were both to blame. And to make matters better, after that behaviour M ended up taking them for a walk in the freezing drizzle. So we pretty much rewarded them. 

- so what if the nursery furniture is all upstairs and the new light is hung, it's not like I have seen any of it anyways. It's just a big tease knowing it's all up there and I am stuck on the main floor. I told M I'm going up when the curtains come in, with his help - I don't care if I go up on my butt. On a plus side I at least got to to see our new car seat:

- so what if my floors need to be washed, I am learning (the hard way) to let things slide. 

- so what about all of the above. It could be worse. The baby is safe and in all honesty, it all that matters in my mind. It gets me through the pain, and the frustration.

What are you saying so what to? 

Snap-Crackle-Pop

Welcome December! November went out with some bumps and bruises to say the least.

Our weekend started off with a fun night out for a friends surprise 30th birthday, where the baby kicked like crazy to live music and even enjoyed a virgin Shirley Temple! We were home by 11:30 and luckily it was just over at the pub here in the village! 

Saturday, M was going to look at a new toy for work, I call it a toy, he calls it a survey vehicle and now that I am writing this I have no clue what they ended up buying, I know it's not a quad, but like a quad... Whatever. I met him at the farm for lunch with two spun dogs that needed some energy run off at the farm. And they headed straight for the fields where they had just plowed in chicken sh*t. Not impressed, so that was short lived. M put the final coat of paint on the wardrobe and change table and I headed home for a nap, knowing we had a Christmas Party that evening. Mike must have come home sometime while I was napping and finally managed some downtime for himself. 

I had Home Alone on the TV, took the time to straighten my hair, actually put make up on, and continued to get ready while M wrapped up the presents for the Christmas Present (we play a gift game), got ready himself! Check out my hot date on Saturday:

Santa photo bomb...

Just as we were leaving, I was headed down the stairs off the back deck, stepped off the last one onto my left foot and SNAP. Down I went over on my ankle in excruciating pain, luckily ending up on my leg/butt. The pain was unreal, I had to resituate myself on the ground to get my ankle off the ground, as any pressure on it was horrible. M of course came running, as he heard the snap too and went right into help mode. He called a friend to help get me off the ground (it was snow), but he wasn't close enough to home, so before he called the whole village, I told him we would do it. I put my good foot on his feet that were planted well and he pulled me up and helped me hop to the truck. He thought it was best to go to the hospital, but I was still in some sort of shock and just figured I rolled it and needed ice. But when I couldn't even place my foot on the ground in the truck, I finally agreed. We dropped our presents off at the fire hall and headed straight for the hospital where the shaking non-stop started.
 

When we arrived, because I am pregnant, they sent me straight up to the maternity ward to be checked first. They took us right back and hooked up a non-stress test, which ran for about 40 minutes. They had asked me if I had felt the baby at all since I fell, which I told them I hadn't, but I was clearly distracted with pain from my ankle. But once hooked up the baby was being his/her typical self (a stinker) and was kicking the monitor, and moving around like crazy.
 



 

The OB on call was about to leave for the evening, but popped in to see me, turns out it was a doctor I had seen previously at the fertility clinic. He congratulated us, recalled our journey, reassured us that the baby was safe, passed the non-stress test, there were no contractions, etc. But then he decided to go above and beyond telling us that because we had been through soo much in the past to get to this point, he offered to do a quick ultrasound himself for extra reassurance. So we got to see the baby via ultrasound and sure enough the baby was posing for us with her/his hands behind her/his head as if to say "Hey Mom and Dad, all is cool in here". The doctor looked at my placenta and didn't see any tears or anything. The nurse told us she though it was a girl because of the baby's position, already practicing to talk on the phone. But we did not see anything. So baby's sex is still a secret!! My blood pressure was surprisingly good (meds are working) but my pulse was really high, but the OB figured it was from the pain. He wished us well, gave me some Tylenol to help with pain and sent us downstairs to get my ankle looked at.
 

We waited and waited, I was starving, as I hadn't eaten since noon, but they wouldn't let me eat in case it was broken and need to set it. They ended up getting an Emergency, but to move us along they sent me for an x-ray. This part was no fun, and of course the x-ray tech was less than impressed that I hadn't seen a doctor yet and better yet that I was pregnant and he had not explained the risks. But the tech went over everything, took extra precautions and we got started, where the shaking began again. The pain was unreal.

 

A doctor finally came and saw us, told us it was not broken, just badly sprained and I had torn all the lateral ligaments in my ankle. She recommended I take lots of anti-inflammatories - which a pregnant woman can not take. So I kindly reminded her that I was pregnant and she then informed me that my recovery would take longer because I cant take anything to bring down swelling. Great. She recommended an air cast, touched my ankle, told me to stay off of it for 2 weeks, to ice it and that was all she said and did. A nurse came and attempted to put one on - but she hadn't done one before. Awesome, third time was charm. I still didn't feel overly secure in it, but she assured me it was on right.

 

M and I grabbed McDonald's on the way back home, but decided we better make a quick appearance at the party, since they all knew what had happened and I was bummed we couldn't go because of me. We had a drink and headed home, where we had to take the air cast off again so I could get changed. Thank God for wide leg lounge pants that I can fit around it. But when M put the cast back on the pain was too much, the shaking came right back (I have never shook in pain before) and the tears for the first time had come. I was done.  

 

Our sleep was rough, as I had to pee often (damn pregnancy bladder) and was just generally uncomfortable. I am only able to take Tylenol Extra Strength - but it doesn't touch it.

 

I was up by 8 AM because my back couldn't bear to be in bed any longer. M relaxed by my side watching movies as I just tried to rest on the couch as comfortable as possible. The swelling was getting worse, at one point it looked like I had an apple coming out of my ankle and the bruising has started. So we iced it on and off, as well as read the instructions on the air cast and sure enough the nurse had put it on wrong. It was much more comfortable on the right way.

 

M hung the ceiling fan in the nursery, which he luckily took a picture so I could see it, as my plans to be up there this week organizing won't be happening. He also had M come and help him move the remainder of the furniture up there too. J and little G decided to pop by and cheer me up while they did that. Such a tease that I cant see it all up there, but J went us as a woman's set of eyes and told me she liked it, told me what she move, so I at least have an idea. Hopefully I will feel somewhat better and a bit more mobile that M will be able to help me up there to just see it, so for now it is a big surprise.

 

M went and grabbed groceries and dinner, came home we ate, he made banana bread and I decided I better shower while I could since he was home, because he has fire practice on Monday night. I sat on foot stool in the shower, had M take my nail polish off my toes, as I couldn't stand to look at them anymore, and then showered quick.

 

A doctor called from the hospital I was at and told me that it turns out that I do have a small fracture, so recovery will be a bit longer. He also informed me to take lots of anti-inflammatories. I told him I was pregnant, so he quickly told me not to take them. So now my recovery is looking more along the lines of 4-6 weeks. Awesome.
 

M helped me back to the couch, I blow dried my hair and by the time I was done that, I became overwhelmed with not being able to do anything myself. M says he doesn't mind, and I believe him, but it is just frustrating because I sometimes can't describe what I need because I am just used to just doing it myself.

 

Today is my first day on my own and we are surviving so far. M was sure to leave snacks close by, filled up lots of water bottles for me, made sure I had everything I needed before leaving this morning. We took the air cast off at 5 AM to ice it and put it back on before he left, as well as got me situated on the couch.

 How lucky am I to have such a caring husband that clearly would do anything for me. I knew this before, but he just continues to prove it. Bless his heart. Such a shitty time of the year to be laid up. But most importantly the baby is safe and continues to kick up a storm to keep me check of remembering how lucky I am.

 

 



A Real Post, I'd Rather Not post

This is the view I work up to:

 

There are two things wrong with this picture! 1. That is snow you see, luckily not a lot, but enough to be on the ground and trees. Yuck! 2. There are no window covers on my windows, not just this one either, in fact all do our window coverings are down! Why you ask? 

FLEAS! 

Yup, luckily not a lot, but you don't need a lot to freak out! I'm sure I've gone overboard, but better safe than sorry. How did I find out? Insert back story:

My Dad moved back down home, got his own place and all, which meant that all of his stuff in my shop can go to his new place. He brings his dog over all the time, this was no different. Then he went moose hunting and sure enough my sister volunteered to watch the dog. About 3 days later she found a ton of fleas on her. So she went all crazy in her house, bathed Gypsy 3 times, and sure enough all was to be fine. 

Yesterday I was at my sisters house photographing her jewelry and her dog kept itching, so I told her to check him and sure enough, she found a flea. Her dogs are treated with flea stuff regularly, but still managed to have fleas. She called my Dad over to bath her dogs and cat with flea treatment. Sure enough he went. I packed up, headed home and then checked my pets and sure enough, I found one on Gracie, and one on Lux. None on Jazz, Lily or Binx. But if one has them, they all have them in my eyes, as they are always cuddling, sharing beds, etc. So I called my Dad, told him how not impressed. I was and then got straight to work. 

M came home from work to a frantic pregnant clean freak, coming up with a master plan of how we were going to deal with this. We used the bathrooms as holding areas for the pets. Dogs in my bathroom, cats in M's. Then started a contamination room - aka laundry room to hold all of the potentially contaminated linens. We had a quick dinner, and then cleaned our house top to bottom, took all bedding, curtains, pillows, washable rugs, clothes and put them into the contamination room to be washed. Sure enough I have a heck of a lot of laundry to do, which was also started last night. My house is spotless for the most part. Everything was vacuumed, floors washed, I'm sure you get the picture. 

We bathed Lily first and sure enough we still didn't find any fleas. Poor M was stuck bashing everyone because I couldn't come into contact with the shampoo being pregnant. So I dried the dogs with these handy dandy gloves on! Better safe than sorry! 

Gracie was up next, still rather simple to bath, the dogs usually are. While I was drying Gracie, Binx was up next. She is soo easy to bath thank goodness! She's just laid back and purring. But I found a few more fleas on Gracie while drying her off! luckily they were dead but I couldn't get them off with my gloves on, so M came over to help and sure enough Binx is just wandering around the bathroom. We finished drying Gracie, finished bathing Binx and moved on to Jazz. You would have thought we were skinning her alive, she was soo upset with having a bath. I dried her while Lux was up next, he was a brat. Let's just say the baby won't be the first one to go to the bathroom in the tub! Poor M! And poor Lux!
 

We put all the towels in the wash, then shut both bathrooms at 11:30pm, made the bed, cleaned ourselves, emptied the vacuums and garbages and sure enough it was past midnight by the time we came to bed. 

Needless to say we were beat! 

So I have 3 rooms left to be cleaned, 2 of which will be done today - both bathrooms and the laundry room once everything is washed! 

The good news is my house is spotless. My animals are clean, but man that was a whole ton of work! I'm sure those without animals - if they made it this far in the post are not only disgusted, but wondering why someone would have an animal. But those who do have animals know this is a possibility and yes it does in deed suck. 

But my answer to those without pets would be, these animals are my fur-children, my babies, and they are part of our family. And although this evening really sucked, I would do it all over again, even with a baby on the way or even here. There is a bond between pets and humans, one that only pet owners understand. 

Weekend REwind

So clearly this week has got away on me! So instead of just recapping my weekend, I will recap my week as well!

Saturday - M and I ran some errands in town, including picking up ceiling paint for the nursery!! We also ended up getting a new cabinet for the kitchen, so we have extra storage once the baby comes. Crazy how much stuff a baby needs for being soo small!

We headed down to the lake for thanksgiving at the boat, where we had a full delicious turkey dinner - coming from someone who doesn't care for turkey. We stayed the night on the boat, I was in bed by 10:30 - party animal! The boat comes out of the water next week, so this was our last time staying down!

Sunday - We had breakfast with the family, then M's parents had a wedding to get to and we had a family dinner to attend, so M's Mom and I did each others hair, snapped a few pics and headed our separate ways!

We dropped the dogs off at home, through an appetizer together, grabbed our buns and headed to my Aunts to celebrate with my Mom's side of the family. Once again, we had a full turkey dinner, played games and enjoyed each other's company!

Monday - we did some yard work, laundry, housework, vacuumed the pool and M put the first coat of paint on the ceiling in the nursery and what a change it makes!! Its already soo much brighter in the room!

Tuesday - at around 2:30 in the morning I awoke to come crazy painful stomach cramps. My sister had been telling me Monday night that Hannah, Brandon and Eric were all sick, as well as Eric's immediate family, who they had celebrated thanksgiving with earlier on Sunday. I was ever hopeful it was something they ate, not the flu. Turns out I ended up with the flu as well! It was horrible! After 6 hours of being violently ill, I survived the worst part and was able to keep liquids down at least. I haven't been THAT sick since I was a kid! Poor baby was probably wondering what the heck was going on! I am now super thankful for never having morning sickness!

Worst part was I had a photo shoot scheduled for that morning that I had to reschedule! I still feel bad about it, but it was out of my control!

I spent my entire day in either the bed or the bathroom! I don't recommend getting the flu while prego! Luckily I was under the watchful eye of Lux, he didn't leave me alone once!

Wednesday - I still wasn't feeling 100%, and I ended up with a bad headache all day and my body was just plain old sore! Nothing was taking it away, including forcing myself to eat, which I didn't have an appetite at all yet! Turns out my cousins ended up with the flu as well!

Thursday - still not 100%, but much better, just really tired, but I forced myself to get dressed and out of the house to run some errands. We also ended up having wings with friends last night too. It was great to actually feel and look human again!

Friday - still catching up on housework, as I feel the need to clean the house like crazy after having the flu, but still lacking in energy! But a little bit at a time!

Needless to say my week did not go as planned! But we survived it! I am still hoping and praying that M doesn't end up with it! He just has to survive today and he should be in the clear!

I am soo thankful for everyone who sent well wishes for my recovery, luckily it went through quick, its just the recovery stage that sucks! I would have been lost without Mike, who full on admits I make the worst sick person ever, especially while pregnant, as I ended up crying about it, my Dad and MIL - who both stopped in to check on my and bring me Gatorade and popsicles!

This weekend I have a photo shoot booked for each day, weather pending of course and we plan to close the pool, assuming we can get the water to clear up! I'm also hoping the final coat will go on the nursery ceiling and we can tackle some more items on our to-do list!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Thanksgiving Reminders

As another thanksgiving rolls around, I can't help to remember what a hard place I was in just 3 short years ago. Our very first IVF cycle was cancelled and I literally felt like my world had just shut down. God had said no, yet again. Despite this being the beginning of our journey really, as far as treatments went, it broke us down and made us realize that this journey was not going be quite as easy as we had set ourselves up to believe. We had figured that our first IVF would bring us the baby we always dreamed of. You have to put that in your in head, in order to just get through the cycle, or even prep yourself for the cycle, without that hope why else would you do it? You have to believe it's going to work. But when it doesn't, the let down sucks, your world is rocked in ways you never imagined.

For me, I didn't want to celebrate thanksgiving, I was mad, I was ungrateful, as bad as that seems to admit. It was too difficult to look at the things in my life that I am forever grateful for, like our families and friends, our pets, our house, our dreams that have come true, our jobs, our accomplishments, I could continue to list the things that matter in our lives. I made up an excuse as to why we weren't going to thanksgiving with our extended family, because we hadn't shared our struggles, and now was not the time to. I couldn't imagine having to talk about it, yet here I am admitting my faults, because I was wrong. My Mom and sister had tried convincing me to go, but I couldn't bear the thought at that point of pretending to be happy, little did I learn that soon this would be my only coping mechanism to get me through these hard times.

The following years around thanksgiving, and Christmas, and any other time another bump or no came up in our infertility journey it brings me back to remembering how easy it is to forget those important things in your life, even just the small things. The kisses goodnight with M, the quality time with my nieces or nephews, the puppy snuggles, family dinners and games, the walks with friends, those little moments in life that don't seem like much at the time, but looking back it was those exact moments that got me through.

Obviously this year is different for us, I'm teary eyed just writing about how grateful and thankful we are for where we are this weekend! This baby inside of me growing and kicking up a dance party is the answer to soo many prayers at this time of the year. The one thing I have prayed I could be thankful for! Thanksgiving for me this year is good, I'm just soaking in all those small things and I'm happier than ever. But with that being said, I will never forget the silent walls that scream your struggles non-stop at you when you are alone. I will never forget about those still struggling. I will never forget about my own struggles or how far I have come and I will never take this season for granted again.

Now is the time to put the struggles to the side, even just for a day and to truly be happy with what you DO have in your life. Your struggles, no matter what they are will still be part of yesterday and maybe tomorrow, but for one day just soak in the season of thanksgiving. 

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends and family! May this weekend be filled with family, friends, positivity, reflections, faith and hope.