Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Reflection: Control, Comparison and Feelings

8.) I've learned- 
that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

13.) I've learned- 
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
14.) I've learned- 
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I skipped at head to these lessons because they are hitting close to home right now. I have decided to incorporate the three of them, as they all sort of relate!
I have learned how easy it is to be disappointed with various things happening in life. I have also struggled for control of my feelings and attitude, but I will be honest, there are days where I still struggle! Sometimes it is just easier to be upset over the things you cannot control in life, but at the same time, it doesn't change the fact or make you feel any better. Finding a positive attitude to tend to the negative things happening is not an easy task. You need to dig deep and find a new perspective. You may lose yourself in the process, but you'll come back with new knowledge.
As many things are out of our control in life, bad things happen, shit luck pops up here and there, it is our job to react in the right way. However, there is no right way. But we are in control of our behavior. So, if your zipper breaks on a winter day, it is your job to quick fix it - find some pins to pin it shut, rely on the back up buttons, etc. until you can find a better solution. Sure, you could sit in the cold and cry about it, but chances are that your jacket will not fix itself. Never be afraid to ask for help either. We need to take the responsible route for our own actions and feelings. I know how hard it is to find that route, and then to stay on route for the duration, and sometimes you pop off road for a while, but either way you find yourself taking the high route, because overall it is easier. It is easier then sitting around and moping, yes - something shitty might have happened, but instead of being debbie downer, you have accepted the fact that it is happened and heck it might happen again. Life offers no guarantees!
But in order to ask someone for help or understanding, or even just to listen, you need to be willing to let the ghost out of the closet. You need to be prepared that the situation then becomes out of YOUR control. You need to be able to accept the risks of confiding in someone. We would all like to say that we don't judge people, but deep down inside, we are not built that way. You need to be able to accept the judgement and pray that it does not come back to haunt you. We have all been burned in life at some point and we all have secrets. Who all holds your secrets? Can you really trust them? There is no real way of knowing that until you just step blindly and pray it works out for the best.
You should not pretend like you know what one has gone through or demote someones struggles because you have been through it yourself. Every situation is different. You may offer advice on how you were getting through, but you have no right to tell someone how to feel. Chances are that whatever that person is dealing with is HARD and you have no right to downgrade it. We are all built differently, what one person considers a struggle might be easy for you, yet what you struggle with might be easy for someone else. Everyone needs support in different ways. Find the best way to support the person struggling.
As simple as it is to compare yourself to how easy you think someone else has it, the truth is you do not know how many secrets one person holds, or how many struggles they are balancing and chances are that there is a reason you do not know that persons secrets/struggles because you are too busy comparing. Life is not about keeping track. For some sick reason, maybe it makes you feel better knowing other peoples struggles, as they would make your own feel so minuscule. But that is not a fair comparison. You are responsible for yourself and comparing ones life experiences to anothers does not change any of the facts, if anything it makes you weaker because you cannot accept yourself for who YOU are and what YOU have faced.
But the reality of it is: WE ALL STRUGGLE at one point or another, in various sizes. We all have choices on the way we feel and react, but sometimes you need to dig deep to find the best choice. There will always be a challenge when it comes to finding control for your feelings. Cut back on the comparisons, it will not put you any further ahead in life. 


J and A said...

Good post Ash. :) Hugs always.

Jessica and Stephan said...

Great posts, you make a lot of points that I agree with :) A great read!


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