My Dear Sweet Lily

I can't believe your gone, my heart aches in a way I will never be able to explain. You really were the best dog, and the very best friend a girl could ask for.

You started out as our "Marley" - chewing the remote controls, coffee table, my camera, my Marley and Me book, shoes and of course we can't forget the kitchen floor. You were the Houdini in the house and could get out of your dog kennel by bending up the metal and crawling out. You were the stealer of the tea towels and burp cloths later on. You were my snuggler, and I still haven't figured out how you could breath when you nuzzled your wet snout right in against the blankets. You were a sister to Gracie, as well as her partner in crime and a big sister to Noah, a job you waited too long for. Oh my sweet Lily, life just will not be same without you. 

You were my rock and have been with me through so many tough things in life that we have been dealt. You had a tough go 3 years ago and we almost lost you then. We always said since then any extra time we had with you, we were lucky. Now I know just how lucky, but even that couldn't have prepared me for that day.

I can't even process what happened Wednesday, you went from fine to not fine in a matter of minutes. But I knew something wasn't right, something was different. Even not feeling well, you came when I called you, stumbled and all and just lied at my feet. Your gums were pale and your eyes were losing their glow. I took you outside and you laid in the grass, Gracie right by your side. I ran into get you some water and when I came back you were still. My sweet baby girl, I scooped you up, you looked in my eyes one last look, and took a few more short breaths as I cried and told you how much I love you. I put my head on your chest crying and listened to you take you your final breath and heard your heart stop beating. The silence was daunting and I couldn't help but to cry out. Gracie came in closer, put her head on my shoulder. She knew. We sat there and mourned together and then I had to call Mike. Gracie wouldn't leave your side, once I walked away she started barking. It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. These things aren't supposed to happen in real life.

My eyes are wet, my face is swollen and my heart aches in a way I can't begin to explain. You were like a child to me. Just when I think I am out of tears, my body finds a way to make new ones. I can't shut off my thoughts, my memories, that day, or this night without you. I'm a wreck. I'm trying to keep busy, trying my best not to cry, but so many things get me going. When I get two treats out of the cookie jar, only needing one, when Noah looks around for you, seeing poor Gracie pouting and struggling with the loss, seeing her wait at the door for you to come outside too or seeing her sitting where you passed away yesterday because she can still smell you there. Life is soo hard right now. 

Gracie has never experienced life without you. She is lonely and mourning, but doing her best to try to engage with me right when I call her. I can't make this better for her. I can't bring you back. Oh how I wish I could. 

I can't even think of anything positive right now about this whole situation. People say at least it went quick, but I'm so selfish and think too quick. But how do I say goodbye in a matter of minutes? My thoughts are selfish, my grief is unbearable. People think you were just a dog, but to me, you were soo much more than that. You were my child, my love, my best friend, my joy, my companion, you were a sister - but you were never just a dog.

I'm glad I was with you, don't get me wrong, but deep down I feel haunted and keep checking on Gracie to make sure she is still breathing. Sometimes I find myself looking for you or waiting for you come up the stairs or out the door. But you don't come anymore. We went for our first walk without  you today and I'll be honest it just wasn't the same. 

They say life goes on, time will heal all wounds and maybe that is so, but right now it seems impossible. Nothing can bring you back, all I have left are memories, your stuff and photos. 

So goodbye my sweet angel, you will be forever missed and never forgotten. You were my best dog ever. Until we meet again...

RIP Sweet Lily, I will always love you like no other, my best friend. 

Loves on Wednesday

Still not the post I had planned for today... But life just keeps getting in the way!

I am loving that my dining room is done now, and soo is my great room! Granted we need to redo the floors in the great room, that is a project that can wait a bit because I am soo over renos right now!! 

I am loving my family - yesterday we had a scare with my Dad, long story short, he is okay, it was literally just a scare to what they chalked up as a cardiac event, but warned him just how lucky he was. He will be following up with some more tests and go and see his cardiologist. When I say it scared me and my sister, it REALLY scared him and I would be happy to not have to have hard conversations in the hospital with him, but at the same time, I'm glad they were conversations and that I still had him to talk to! 

Mikes Mom was able to come over and watch Noah for me last minute and ended up making us dinner too!! Soo grateful to have someone there that I can call in a flash. 

Noah had fun with Grandma in the meantime:

I love that little boy more than words. He is constantly showing me that he is turning into such a big boy lately and is constantly challenging himself. 

Clearly this post is turning into a sappy one... So I will just leave with a quote I am loving too:

Tuesday Tidbits

All I have for today is random bits going down!!

- the dining room crown is being painted today, along with the ceiling in the great room!! 

- it's a chilly day today calling for pants! Something tells me fall is on the way! 

- can I just say that Americans really do have it figured out when it comes to awesome snacks... The latest find - brownie brittle!! Amazing!! 

- last night Noah showed us that he knows how to climb a ladder... Trouble, yet might be handy one day - no? 

- looks like we are set for fall clothes for the little man, I may buy a few things, but we are pretty much set! 

That's all I got for today!! 

Weekend Rewind

I am going to break our weekend down in point form today

- When M got home from work, he brought in Noah's new sand box! Boy was he excited. He was climbing in it, on it and then we decided to put balls in it for fun. He was thrilled!!

- Friday night was the longest ball game ever... But it was their last season game and they lost by 1!

- Saturday morning Noah went with M to get sand for the sand box while I worked on figuring out storage in our bedroom... It wasn't a big success and laundry did not get put away! 

- I napped in the afternoon when Noah did! 

- Noah kept himself busy while M and I attempted house work! 

- we made homemade perogies for dinner and they were soo good!! 

- our neighbours invited us over for a bonfire! We had to get creative with the baby monitor, but we
did get it to work! I brought the fixings for s'more waffle bowls and they were delish!! 

- Sunday we all slept in until 8:45!! I slept so good after we put the down duvet on the bed! Crazy how much I miss that thing! 

- we got straight to chores and Noah was right into it:

- I ran and got a few groceries when Noah went down for a nap, we got caught up on laundry (just not putting it away)

- we made lasagna for dinner and have lots left over to make some freezer meals! 

- we went through Noah's clothes and good news is, I don't think we need too much for the fall!! We should be set!

- M and Noah went out after dinner and cut the lawn!

That's about it!! It was a good weekend in the sense of getting caught up on the housework! 

Friday's 5

Wow, we made it to Friday!!! In some ways this does actually surprise me!!

- yesterday was rough! Noah woke up at 6:15, I was up, M was up... It was just bad! The day didn't go all that much better, but we made the best of it with 2 naps, and a trip to the park! 

- today I'm off to pick up Noah a sand box today! Just a little plastic one, as M plans to build him one eventually and when he does this one can goto that farm! I wasn't going to get him one, but seeing how much he loves to play in them, and the fact that he will sit and doe the activity for more than 2 minutes... It's a win-win!! Better yet I'm getting a brand new sand box with a lid ($60 value) for $15!! 

- Noah has been loving on Gracie soo much again!! He watches Thomas with her, plays blocks with her and if he's not sitting with her, than she goes to him! It's soo sweet!! 

- our weekend is going to be spent getting organized around here... Putting away laundry, sorting Noah's clothes, tidying up the house... You know that kind of fun stuff! 

- the humidity has finally broke and last night I actually slept well now that the windows are open again!! I couldn't live without my A/C, but I like sleeping with the windows open! 

That's pretty much all I've got this week!! I'm hoping to get back on track soon!! Life's been a bit hectic over here since getting home!! 

Saskatchewan Part 2

Ok so we left off on Friday on the last post!

But then I realize I forgot to mention that Thursday night I couldn't get Noah to sleep for the life of me, so we loaded him up and took him for a drive!! Let's just say in true form, the country roads made for a nice drive and he was asleep in no time and transferred well too!!

I do have to share that my husband was clearly missing me and went out and bought me the Luke Bryan CD that was released Friday! Best hubby ever!

The weather finally cleared up and Noah had to go check on the pigs before anymore fun could be had! 

Then it was time for another ride on the side by side! I will let the pics do the talking

And the views were stunning! 

I spy a rainbow!! 

Then we had to stop and see the Bulls:

The adventures of Maggie and Noah! Pretty much the only time Maggie tolerated Noah was when they were touring together!! 

Happy hours come every Friday out there!!

Saturday morning book reading:

With the book club:

My little cling on couldn't be without me, so when I needed to get something done, like make rice krispie squares for the party, I was creative in entertaining him too!

Back outside:

Time for a big tractor ride with Brent:

He cried a bit when he realized I wasn't coming, but sure enough once they got moving he was cool. He didn't lose it again until he saw me when they went to park it! I was proud that he did it though- without me! 

Teaching Gabe about quads: 

Sunday morning we went to church, where I spent all but 10 minutes in the nursery with Noah, which was totally fine! You could actually watch the service from in there too!!

After church was Briars birthday party! Needless to say Noah had a busy day and by the end of it you could tell!! But he had fun playing in the tunnel and on the trike:

I was hoping to finish our trip recap in two posts, but I realized how long this one is already and have decided to make one more!! 

Let The Truth Be Told

Here are some random, yet mostly embarrassing truths to my reality lately:

- I still haven't finished unpacking from my trip out west

- I need to desperately go through Noah's drawers and pull out the cloths that are too small. He's in between sizes again, which we all know I hate! I actually stopped putting his laundry away until I do it, so now I have piles on his floor too... Such a mess

- I want to get back out walking, I'm sad that I can't be running because of a knee problem (doctors advice), but I did enjoy getting out and walking - my excuses: it's been soo stinkin' hot here and I am just so tired from our trip still!! 

- speaking of sleep, I have finally had two nights of great sleep! What a difference these nights have made!! 

- I am going to pick up one more can of spray paint for the wicker couch for the front porch and then hopefully get this thing home and in place!! I can't wait to see it finished!! 

- laundry.... I washed everything before I left and Mike put away mostly everything, except my stuff. 

- Noah has been super clingy lately and don't get me wrong I really love it, but when the day is done and I don't have a toddler crawling all over me, I take a sigh of relief! 

- Noah's new favorite saying is "my mommy" over and over again. I secretly love it, even if it's on repeat for most of the day! 

- getting Noah's 0-6 month photo book in the mail has pretty much made me look forward to getting his 6-12 done, but I fear that I will need at least one more extension! Since I did a maternity Photoshoot last night that will need editing and I'm secretly hoping to get it done by Friday!! 

- pictures are over rated for this post! 

- today I am picking up a FREE shoe rack! We are in desperate need to shoe storage and granted I don't love the system I'm getting today, it's better that nothing until I decide! 

- I originally said I would not get a sand box for our yard, but I have since reconsidered after seeing how much he lives them and will sit and play in! So I found one of those used too, which will get us by this year until M makes him one! 

- it's now breakfast time for the monkey.... Fingers crossed fruit smoothies win for the second day!! 

Have a great day! 

Weekend Rewind

It must be the end of summer because weekends are zooming on by now. Let's get right to it!!

Friday night M had ball, however I decided to stay home with Noah. It was super hot, Noah had only napped for an hour and I just saw disaster written all over it, so he was in bed and fast asleep before M even left for ball! I won't lie, I wasn't far behind!! Still catching up on the sleep I lost out west! 

Saturday, M was in a ball tournament all weekend. His first game was at 11:45, so we went to it and man was it hot, we found a bit of shade under a tree, but not like Noah would stay still long enough to even enjoy that! Needless to say they lost that game! We came home to put Noah down for his nap inbetween the next game and I ended up just sending M on his own and we stuck behind and napped! 

They lost that game too. On the way home, the neighbour and M decided to do an impromptu pizza night and a swim. So they went to pick up pizza and then his wife and kids met us at our place and we  enjoyed pizza and swim. It was too cold for me, so I sat out with the baby - oh shucks - baby cuddles! 

Sunday morning we celebrated Noah turning 18 months old!! How is he a whole year and a half??
Wow time needs to slow down!! 

We went for lunch with my Dad and then came home for nap time. I quickly got things ready for the reunion with M's help before he had to leave for ball again. The plan was for me to leave seperately, but then Noah decided to have a monster nap (3.5 hours) so we waited 15 minutes for M and then went as a family. Oh and I do have to say that M's team did win the C Division via tie breaker during extra inning so basically they were the winners of the losers! Lol

Noah enjoyed swimming at the reunion, and playing in the camping chairs!

I did win a label maker!! Just one more tool to help me get organized one day haha. 

Despite Noah going to bed late last night, he woke up early! I guess yesterday's nap did wonders for him!! I actually slept well last night too, so it wasn't too bad getting up at 7:30!

Saskatchewan 2015- Part 1

Noah and I spent the past week visiting my cousin out in Saskatchewan, it was a crazy busy week single parenting a teething toddler, but it was great to visit with all my cousins who were also down!

We flew down Tuesday luckily I had some help from my cousins husband who sat with Noah and I! We had no tears, but it was busy! He did give in and had a 45 minute nap, which was super nice!! 

Of course we rented a mini van to get us all to my cousins and somehow we ended up with a traverse, so fitting everyone and all our stuff was no easy feat, it was really tight, but we did it! Luckily it was just under an hour to her place. 

Noah and Briar didn't mess around and got right to playing!!

Crazy how big Noah is compared to the other two!! There are 6 months between Briar and Noah and 6 months between Briar and Gabe and roughly 11 months between Noah and Gabe and yes, Gabe is a bit bigger than Briar! 

We slept in a trailer, so we can technically check off camping on the summer bucket list! Lol. Night 1 involved a one hour party n then falling asleep in my bed, but he did great!

It was cool on Wednesday, but that didn't stop Noah from wanting to check out the side by side for a ride! He LOVED this thing!! Ride after ride. By the end of the week he was crawling up on it himself and standing in the drivers seat. 

He had to show his cousins how to properly soak himself in the water table in true Noah fashion... Little bum!

Noah also loved checking on the pigs and "feeding" them! Like I said it was a really busy week! 

Miss Briar:

It was pretty much teething central for the week too! Noah with his eye teeth and molar, but Gabe and Briar were both cutting teeth too!! 

Gabe:

Us cousins! 

It pretty much rained from Thursday-Saturday morning, so entertaining the kids inside became a desperate action:

He loved putting his hat on Briar!!

Listening to Lindsay read to them:

We gave up and went outside despite the wet weather!! 

We decided to go for a walk, and managed to get 2k done, but Noah decided he wanted to walk the way back and then sit in the middle of the dirt road and play with stones... Oh the life of a toddler! 

I will recap the rest of trip next week, since clearly I took lots of pics!!