This Day Was His Own

Friday was hard.    

 We spent all week trying to prepare Noah for pre-school, his first day on his own without me or another family member/friend there to help him through. I'm not sure who was having a harder time? We were all soo excited for this day, secretly hiding our fears, likely not so well from each other.      

 Noah was excited for school, but he was very concerned about being left there. He would keep saying, you are coming right mom? We talked about how school was for kids and that mommies don't go to school, just kids to have fun and teachers to help them learn. When we did our tour, he noticed it was just kids and instantly was concerned. So even when I answered, yes I'm coming, he would then ask "but you're staying right?". This was hard. I didn't want him to be worrying - sorry kid, you got that gene from your mama. We had some tough conversations, but it still came down to the fact that he said he was ready to go, he was excited, but unsettled over just those two facts.      

 Thursday night, he expressed being nervous, just a little scared, but that he was excited. Friday morning he was excited, but once we got in the car, the questions came back.     

 

 I took him in, switched his shoes, he said hi to the teacher and instantly went to go play with one of the other kids. It was great. I finished up some paper work and went to slide out. On my way out another mom stopped me to talk and next thing I knew Noah was running at me. Fail... busted... he told me he was going home. I took him back into the class, we hugged, we talked, he went and played, but kept checking back with me. The teacher began to engage with him, shut the door and then I snuck out. From there on I can only go by what he tells me and his teacher! His teacher is great, she texted me updates, and although he cried most if the tine, he still participated. She showed him how the clock works and when I would be back, she hugged him, encouraged him, reassured him and comforted him.  

 It's hard feeling like you abandoned your child, when yes, in all reality it's good for him, but at a time where he feels he needs you the most, you just leave him and make him figure it out, whether that be relying on his peers or on his own. A good lesson, yes, but one soo hard. A coping skill nonetheless, a necessity in life, but man it makes being a parent hard.  

 

 Parenthood up until age 3 was a breeze and now we are dealing with emotions and feelings and teaching those are hard. Add that on top of this new independence and it gets really tricky!! I think 3 is all about discovery - discovering and exploring emotions, independence, new roles, etc. A lot of big changes in a short amount of time and us parents left to grasp at whatever we can to get by each day and no day is the same.   

 I think one of the hardest parts is the unknown. Yes, he says he had fun, yes, the teacher tells me bits and pieces, but soo much of his day is unknown for me. You begin to wonder - is he still crying? Is he having fun? Is he being a nice boy? Is he using his manners? Are the other kids playing nice with him? Is this worth it?? Yes, I know it's worth it, but it's easy to ask yourself if youeself doing the right thing for him. These days are his own, he will tell me what he wants to tell me, but I won't hear it all and that makes me a little sad. My baby is growing up and is going to have his own experiences, whether good or bad. Who knew cutting the cord could be this hard?   

 

 Yesterday was day 2 for preschool, as we are on an on-call basis for now while we wait for a spot to open up. He had a much better day, he told me about his day, his teacher said he did much better, but still wasn't relaxed. He played and participated, but he was still missing me, but he didn't cry the whole time. It was a bit easier for us both. I know it will get easier each time and ultimately that is the goal we are working towards.