Thursday, April 17, 2014

My Dearest Grandma

Last Monday night, we received the news that my Grandma had passed. Actually my sister and I were talking about her as she passed. I meant to share this last week instead of leaving everyone hanging, but my wardrobe needed massive help and quickly. Luckily my sister came through for me with a dress from her closet that I might have to keep in mine for her!  I ended up adding to this letter for the family and reading it as her eulogy, but this is my original letter.

Dear Grandma,

I would start off this letter telling you how missed you will be, but that is the obvious, so I will share a few things that we will miss about you! 

I will never forget your strength. You had been sick for too long and just when they mention that you won't pull through, you would miracously pull through. Like hell someone was going to decide your fate, you were a fighter!

You were soo strong when Grandpa passed, you weren't afraid of your grief like most of us were. You taught me that it is okay to be mad when someone passes away, it isn't a bad thing, but a stage of grief. You showed us that there is a time to cry, a time to mourn and many times to laugh. You have shown us what it is to love endlessly in past or present. You have taught me that God doesn't do things to punish us. He didn't call upon you because we didn't need you or because you weren't loved, but rather because you were soo loved and you have lived a great life. You were part of His plan.  He only takes the best. 

You kept this family going strong and I pray that we are able to continue this even though you are no longer with us in person, but always in our hearts. I would like to think many card games will continue to play at family functions. This will be a way for you to remain alive with us, more alive than ever if you know how this family plays cards. 

Growing up you helped us find faith by taking us to church when we were in London. I could never understand why you would goto church so often, but then I learned that you had a family with God too and your heart was open to all of those in God's family, whether it was going to church just to pray for someone else. You were always soo generous and putting others first.

I will miss your whitty sense of humor and your crush on Mike. I'm glad you approved of the man I chose to marry and loved how you would often tell both Mike and I how lucky we were to have each other. It made us laugh when you would tell Mike that he needed to take you out on a date instead! I remember the day we did take you out and you thought we were joking, but you would never turn down a good meal and dessert was always a must! 

I will miss your hugs. They were endless and I always felt your love through them as you gave us that extra squish at the end. I hope to never forget this part. I hope to be as proud of a parent as you were to all your children and grandchildren. Coming to various school functions to show your support, telling me how proud of me you were after watching me sing in the church choir as a child or perform in a school play in high school. Your love and support will never go unknown to not only me, but all your children and grandchildren. 

I am sad that my son will not grow up knowing you like I did. But we will do our best in making sure he knows who you are. I am happy that he was at least able to see you before you passed away, although you were not well. I saw you lock eyes on him and can just imagine what you would have said to both me and Noah. I will be sure to let him know that he met one of his great-grandparents. 

Grandma, most importantly, I hope you will always know how loved you are. I put this in present tense because even though you are up in heaven, you are still loved down here. You hold a place in each and every one of the hearts you touched. We will all carry you in our hearts. Heaven gained a new angel when they called upon you. I will pick another star in the sky and know that it is you shining down on us. 

I hope you had the best reunion with Grandpa, because we all know how much you have missed him. I am happy you are together again because a love like that should never be separated. Now the two of you can hold hands once again and watch down on all of your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

Thank you Grandma for being a great role model. I want to love like you loved, live as long as you lived and embrace life just as you did. I want to be patient, just as you were and I would love to have some of your strength. I know the last few years have been rough for you, you had your good days and your bad days. It is your good days that only stand out to me in my mind. Thank you for being you. 
To think that someone like you felt proud of us and loved us unconditionally should make us all feel more than just a little good. We can never forget that there is a part of you in each of us, something that you gave to us and asked nothing for in return because that is just who you were. How lucky we are to have had someone who made saying goodbye soo hard.
Mike and I will miss you. 



Murdock's mama said...

Gah... now I'm a crying mess at work! I knew better than to read this here!

So sorry {again!} for your loss, Ashley. I can't even imagine all that you've been through/are going through right now.

((big hugs!))

Allyssa Idell said...

ah! This made me want to cry! Losing someone is SO hard. I lost my mom and so I totally feel for people who lose anyone, because it's such a painful thing. I'm thinking about you guys :)

Aubrey said...

Aww, so sweet!


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