Reflection # 4 - Forgiveness

I've learned- 

that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

Sometimes life disappoints you, but with that being said, does that mean that you just give up on it?
It doesn't work that way, so why should it work that way with friends.
Just like life, friendship is not easy!

"You've got troubles, I've got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. We'll stick together to see it through cause you've got a friend in me."
- Randy Newman  (link)

Once in your life you will get hurt by friends and let's be honest, you will probably get hurt more than once, those are just the odds! But that is the easy part in my opinion! Yeh, it hurts, but forgiving is the hardest thing you have to do!

I strongly believe that friends come and go in life, but they were there for a reason, whether it works out in the end or not.

I would have never met M, if it hadn't been for a friend that I am not actually friends with anymore.... did that make sense? It sounds complicated, but really it isn't. M and I are the product of a friendship gone bad! We were both friends with this person! There are some things in life that you just cannot forgive and in some cases there are somethings in life that you cannot take back, once the damage is done, there is no going back! I believe that. Not every friendship is worth saving. This friendship was one of them. However, I do not regret having that friendship in the first place, a lot of good things came of it, like M and I. And it was this breaking of friendship that actually made M and I closer. That sounds really bad, so let me just clear up something up here... the friendship did not break up when M and I started dating, it happened 2 years after, after something that the "friend" did. M and I lost respect for this friend together, the incident brought us closer. I don't really want to air out my dirty laundry by going into details of what exactly went down.

I just believe that friend was put into my life to bring me M. I will always be grateful for that friendship believe it or not! Maybe it is all in the way I think about it now. I definitely was not thinking that way when the friendship fell apart because yes, breaking up is hard to do! So I look on the bright side and think this was meant to be. It sucks that I lost a friend in the works, but maybe that was supposed to happen?

Maybe this is going in the wrong direction, but it just goes to show that not all friendships are worth saving.

I think people can be hurt in ways that no one expects. We are fragile beings. Somethings hurt without rhyme or reason! Somethings are done on purpose and somethings are done without even realizing it! A real friend would not hurt you on purpose. One way to think of it is: "If I were friends with myself, how would I feel?" in various situations. We are human, we make mistakes, we apologize and forgive. It sounds simple, but rarely is. Feelings get all caught up in there and can make a big mess!

I constantly find myself asking "what would make me a better friend?"

Forgiveness is hard. We are taught forgiveness from a young age, just as we are taught to apologize. I grew up Catholic. These are a few things that pop into my head about forgiveness:

Mark 6:12 - "Forgive us the wrongs that we have done, as we forgive the wrongs others have done us."

Mark 6:27-37 - "But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you... Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same... But love your enemies, do good... and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful... Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (This is one of my favorites)

Eph 4:31-32 - "Let there be no more bitter resentment or anger, no more shouting or slander, and let there be no bad feeling of any kind among you. Be kind to each other, be compassionate. Be as ready to forgive others as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you."

At no point does it say that forgiving is an easy task, but more along the lines of it being worth it. In the end, we are all sinners at one point, we all need forgiveness at one point or another.

With my friend earlier, I have forgiven her, I have gotten over it. I am still not friends with her, I have not ever spoke to her since the incident, but I can say now to this day, that I forgive her. It will not change things at this point, I am fine with that!

The hardest part of forgiveness is acceptance. It is hard to believe that a friend will hurt you. Forgiveness is not about forgetting was has happened, it is about accepting what has happened and finding away to move past it.

Forgive, forget. Bear with the faults of others as you would have them bear with yours. Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.--Phillips Brooks (Link)

Remember that you have made mistakes in the past too and you will in the future and you will NEED forgiveness too! It is easy to forget about our own mistakes when dealing with the mistakes of others. But it all comes down to that fact that we are human. Some peoples mistakes are bigger, but nonetheless a mistake that will eventually need forgiven. Maybe not today or tomorrow but in good time. Time will help to heal everything!

Life is too short, and some friendships are not meant to be, but you can still find forgiveness. It will help to heal those open wounds.

(Scripture was found HERE)