Reflection #1

1.) I've Learned-

that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I suppose that I have learned half of this one. I believe that you have no control over love. You cannot make someone love you, but you also cannot stop someone from loving you. Love can overwhelm you.

M and I started dating way back in high school. We both went to college at the same time, having only been dating for 1 year, we were dreading long distance, as he was going 4 hours North and I was pretty much staying put. We were saying I love you by this point, but now looking back, I am not sure that we truly understood what we were saying. In fact, the first time he told me he loved me, it freaked me out and I just said it back to be nice. (We had only been together for 6 months before the big L word came out). I began to understand the meaning of love by the time he went away to school. It is true when they say that you don't know what you have got until it is gone! Not that M was gone per say, but it is when I really learned my true feelings for him. I honestly believe that when he said he loved me the first time he meant it and understood it, and I also think that is why it was soo hard on me when he left because I didn't quite understand love before. I didn't DO anything to MAKE him love me, and he didn't do anything to MAKE me love him. It just happened and for him it was sooner than later, whereas for me it all hit me at once, everything made sense, everything clicked.

When M left for college I was an emotional mess, because I felt stronger for him at that point then I had in my whole life (up to that point). I didn't understand where it came it from, it just hit me. You don't know when love is going to show up, you can't expect it. You can be open to it and you can accept it.

So what makes you lovable? You will never know, you could guess and you could be told, but deep down, I truly believe that it is not something you have any control of. Love isn't a decision, it is a feeling like none other. You don't decide how to love, it comes natural.

I can honestly say that even to this day, I do not know the full extent of just what exactly love is. I am still learning. Love still surprises me. I didn't know that my love would grow. I don't know the full meaning of unconditional love. I don't believe anyone does. Love will always mean something different to someone else. Love is powerful!!

I think I will spend my whole life trying to be someone who can be loved. I want to be able to embrace it as I receive it. I want to be that person that M will love forever, no matter what is happening in our life, good or bad. I think it is something everyone should strive for.

To this day, I love M more today than I did yesterday, it just keeps growing, I cannot control it and he can't stop me from loving him more. Tomorrow I will love him more than I did today!

I couldn't imagine life without love!