Today I am going to write a post I never imagined myself writing. I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with sharing this news with anyone, if I am being completely honest because I am still working it all out in my head.
I (for the time being) am a stay at home wife now. This wasn't exactly in the plans, but we are embracing it the best way we can!
So you are wondering how it came down to this? Well there were quite a few factors to look at:
- things were getting crazy at work with the new office. We were busy one week and not so busy another week. Next thing I knew I went from 4 days to 2 day to "on call". My boss was doing my job.
- after my holidays, I had very little time to catch up and my boss didn't actually do my job, so I was behind struggling to catch up, which just made things stressful. I had my boss wanting one thing done and the doctor wanting something else done and I was stuck in the middle trying to work for them both. I finally spoke up about this being a problem and my boss lost his mind on me! Communication.. out the window...
- after that I was no longer comfortable at work. I was dreading going in never knowing what I was going into. I wrote a letter to him explaining that I did not appreciate what had happened... blah blah blah and hoped we could move on from here, which we did sort of, but I still found myself struggling with his words bouncing around in my head. No one should be questioning the job they have been doing for 8 years! He told me not to take things personally, but I am not sure how to let it go? I don't feel that I am blowing this out of the water - he said some pretty horrible things, that still to this day bother me!
- I told my family and they were all in agreement that I can not stay there. So M and I crunched some numbers and found out that we can get by with just him working. I wasn't making enough money to cover my commute on an on-call basis. It wasn't worth the money I wasn't making. I have Scentsy on the side, as well as my photography.
Soo there we have it! It is out there that I am a SAHW. I'm not ashamed of it by any means, but it was never in my plans, and to be honest we will see how things go. I continue to look for a job closer to home but it is a very small town, with only one hospital which I am mainly applying to. We are doing what works for us at this time. It was not a small or easy decision, but in all honesty, I feel much better. I didn't realize just how much stress I was carrying working there. I haven't slept in years, I now sleep the whole night and in a deep sleep! Before I was awake 3 times a night struggling to fall back asleep!
Why was I afraid to tell anyone? I guess because I didn't ever imagine myself not working. It doesn't make me any less of a person. I was sure and am sure that people would be judging our decision, which instead of stressing out about I am trying to learn to embrace it. I wasn't in the wrong, I was protecting myself and standing up for myself. It would have been ideal to find another job before, I know, but it happened quickly. I gave a one month's notice with 2 weeks off within that for the doctors holidays while applying for a few jobs. It's not urgent that I find a job right away. Like I said we were pretty much down to just M's income anyways. My money was play money.
We had a bank appointment with our financial planner and she wasn't concerned which was reassuring.
Hopefully I will become more comfortable with being at home, I plan to get my photography business off the ground and get back behind the lens.
There we have it! The truth is out.