Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Dear Snoopy

Dear Snoopy,

I want to let you know that I still miss you like crazy! It has been 3 years since I said goodbye. Three years ago today, I lost a piece of my heart, I learned how much love hurts, I learned that life is not always easy, I learned how to say goodbye and I learned how to grieve. I can remember that day, that week and the month leading up to and after your parting. I will let you know that it was probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I know now that you are in a great place, but I can't help but to think that you were in a better place with me! I know that dogs get old, just as we do, and I know there comes a time to say goodbye for everyone. The one thing we will always have are the memories and of course the many pictures I may or may not have tortured you with!

There was your first time swimming:

The funny thing was that we waited until your last couple years of your life to take you to the lake, as we thought that you would HATE swimming! As a Shih Tzu, you are not actually supposed to like swimming, or even actually be good at it(stereotypes.... I tell ya). Well not you, just as always, you proved us wrong. You were amazing at swimming and you were one of the fastest dog swimmers I have seen! You loved it!

You especially loved drying off in the boat, in your own seat:

There was also the time that I cut your hair for the first time! Wow were you ever patient! Even though you came out looking like a different dog! And like always, you came out looking different, as anyone would after any hair cut, but you ALWAYS had a new attitude after you got your hair cut! But, no matter how adorable I told you that you looked, I don't think that you loved it. You kind-of looked like a pug cross:
I look at these pictures of you and cannot help but to tear up. You were my baby. You were my first dog and you were a goal that I achieved. You taught me all about responsibility, which included the easy tasks of feeding you, brushing you, playing with you, and snuggling with you. You relied on me, you loved me and you depended on me. You cried for me when you were afraid of the thunderstorms and I would drag my butt out of bed, along with all my blankets and pillows. We would go downstairs in the basement, turn on the TV for you to distract the sound and fall asleep on the couch that you were not supposed to be on. However, you knew exactly how to hog HALF of the couch and make me very uncomfortable, to the point that I would sleep on the floor and you would have the whole couch! But I loved you for that.

I loved you for a lot of reasons including your spunk, your attitude, your strength, your courage, your everything.

I am glad that you and Mike finally found reasons to get along and we made a perfect little family, that had just started with me and you. Then came Mike, Jazz and Diamond too.

After you left, I had a really hard time coping with your loss. Who knew a little fur ball like yourself could make me feel so lifeless after you left. I went home alone after we buried you and cried and cried and cried. I was sooo upset. A person should never have to make a decision on when to say goodbye. I know it was best for you, as you were very sick and uncomfortable and coming to the decision was by far the hardest! How could I let you go and say good bye? You held all my secrets, my thoughts, you were my everything.  It took me a long time to forgive myself, although I know it was the right thing, there were soo many things wrong with it! Jazz and Diamond were mourning also, waiting for you to come home!

Here I sit bawling once again. Snoopy, you were a great dog! Every time I see a shih tzu I think of you and our time together! There is always something that reminds me of you! Whether it be popcorn, a storm, or even seadooing!

I wish that you were still here with me, but I now understand. I am not saying that it is easy, because it isn't. But I am OK! I love you and I miss you everyday!

Love Mom.

Don't worry I am not bawling at work, I cheated and wrote this yesterday, for today, knowing I would be upset. And also, as I wrote this, it was thunderstorming, and I wanted nothing more than to go downstairs with my pillow and blankets and cuddle with you. I still would have slept on the floor, if it just meant that I could hold you again.

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